Life...And All That JaZz

What is going on here?

2009-03-07T16:42:00.003+10:00

By here, I mean here in Australia.

First there were the floods in North Queensland.

Then the terrible bushfires in Victoria, and they're still not out of danger.

Now, there's a cyclone in North Queensland.

And yesterday there was an earthquake in Victoria.

My heart goes out to the people in these regions. It's human nature to feel most secure at home but when your home is in danger, what do you do? Not only are you displaced, you lose your sense of security too.

Really hope the end is near.

Crash!

2009-03-05T12:15:00.001+10:00

I crashed out of my "healthy" diet pretty badly last week.

Some pretty major, worrying things happened and the mental stress of figuring it out left me with no energy to cook properly.
I ate instant noodles, oily curries, Chinese food and way too much of chocolate.

The lack of sleep hasn't helped either because it left me so tired at the end of the work day that I didn't even go to the gym.

I'm sad and disappointed with myself. My worries and tensions haven't exactly disappeared and probably won't for a little while but I've realised that when I'm in control of the things I can control, even the uncontrollable seems controlled.
Ha ha...Too deep?

Anyway, I'm going to the gym today and hopefully regain the motivation I lost over the last week and a half.

Wish me luck!

Being Smart Is Not Obsolete!

2009-02-26T16:52:00.000+10:00

I've been reading about Britain's University Challenge winner Gail Trimble and how she is being criticised for being too smart.

People have even questioned the usefulness of her studying Latin. "How is that going to help in the real world?" "Latin can't get you a job!" etc etc

The purpose of education is, surprise surprise, to educate. Education is not just the means to an end - finding a job.

I studied English Literature for my Bachelors. Why? Because I love it. There was honestly no other reason. There was no practical purpose to me studying Paradise Lost or Macbeth but I loved it and would do it again. So she doesn't know the name of the lead actor in Slumdog Millionaire. I bet a million others don't. But she does know about Aristophanes' Cloud Cuckoo Land. Neither trivia has any useful purpose but knowing the latter definitely makes her smarter, no matter how you choose to look at it.

Gail Trimble is not obsolete in modern society, in fact we need more of her kind. We need to stop the dumbing down and marvel at how smart she is. Because she is.

Day 4

2009-02-20T10:09:00.005+10:00

Okay…so as you have obviously noticed I have become a lazy blogger. And I am making an attempt at writing at least one line every day, starting right now.

I started a new diet and today’s Day 4. It’s meant to last 28 days and already I am dreaming of French fries. For those of you who don’t know me, potatoes are a big weakness…And fries…mmmm…I could eat them at any hour of the day.

So I have been going to the gym for about a month now and lost 2kg. My ultimate goal is not to lose weight – it is to become fit. To me there is an important difference between the two. My goal is to be able to run on the treadmill for at least 40 minutes without feeling like I’m going to die. At the moment, I can run only about 2 minutes and then I can speed walk but anymore running and you’ll be calling an ambulance. So you have a fair idea of how much I need to work on my fitness.

I also need to work on strength training especially my arms and shoulders which I have discovered are very weak especially when compared to my legs.

So anyway, I know the word “diet” automatically translates to “starving” for a lot of us. But I can’t starve myself. I love food way too much. I don’t eat to live. I live to eat! So when I say diet I just mean I am controlling a lot of what I’m eating.

I have been told a lot about the no-carbs-after-5pm diet and I’m taking a shot at it. Today is Day 4. Its 10:26 AM right now and so far I have eaten a serve of grapes for breakfast and a cup of coffee. For lunch I have a ham, cheese, lettuce and tomato sandwich on wholegrain bread. And when I feel hungry in the afternoon, (which I most definitely will)…I have a choice between fat free yoghurt or an apple. I am a little worried about dinner because I have to go to a function straight after work so I don’t think I’m going to get the chance to eat much before I go there. And functions usually have a lot of unhealthy food…Hmm…it’s a long drive there. Maybe I’ll take something with me to eat on the way there.

Oh…and I should also mention that I am trying the smaller portions thing too. So I’m eating lesser but eating more often. I don’t know if it’s working…but it’s definitely making me hungry as hell!

I know you’re probably not interested in my diet but I will still document it anyway as it works as some sort of motivation for me. I have very little belief in my willpower to stick to a diet and I have almost always failed before so this is important to me. It’s hard for me to promise not to eat carbs after 5pm because I love carbs. Hehe. But imagine – no rice, no roti, no pasta, no bread and no POTATO! Think about how much fun I have planning dinner! Lucky for me I love vegetables too so meat and veggies will keep me going.

I made a new year’s resolution this year after many many years – and it was to get my life back on track and the first step was to get in shape. I have been going to the gym but I need to go more. I have been eating right on and off but I need to do it more. Getting fit & writing more is a good step in finding myself again I think. Writing for myself I mean. I write for a job but that doesn’t count.

Oh, and before you point fingers at me when I write tomorrow’s menu I will defend myself. I started this diet suddenly 4 days ago but I had a dinner planned for tomorrow night many weeks ago. Dinner is at an Indian restaurant so it will be lots of unhealthy, oily food. And I have to have naan (read: carbs carbs carbs). I haven’t eaten out at an Indian place in a long long time so I am excused for dinner tomorrow. I know it sounds like an excuse but it really isn’t. I thought of postponing my diet plans till Sunday but I didn’t want to so instead I am just excusing myself tomorrow night. I will make up for it though.

Wish me luck! Day 4 has only just begun and there’s unhealthy food ready to pounce at me at every corner.

Photo courtesy: waggaway

about change...yet again

2009-02-19T16:42:00.001+10:00

I am inherently resistant to change. Which is funny because I don't enjoy stagnancy either.

I've written a lot about change - at different stages of my life. I love my memories and can sometimes spend too much time reminiscing. But what I have also realised is that if I didn’t experience changes, I would never have had new experiences – and therefore more memories.

Obviously, moving out of home, to a different country has been the biggest change in my life so far. If life was perfect as it was, I would never have moved would I? But because it wasn’t and because I’d like to make it as close to perfect as possible, I made the choice. And I don’t regret it.

Living by myself has taught me a lot and as cliché as it sounds, I have grown up. My exposure to Australian and several other cultures has helped me see so many things differently. My perspective has changed and expanded and to put it in Paulo Coelho’s words, “My soul has grown”.

I put myself on the backburner for a long time. I have lost myself in my quest for a better life but I am slowly finding and making myself again. I have changed but I remain the same.

coldplay vs joe satriani

2008-12-09T00:07:00.003+10:00

I detest plagiarism.
Authors, musicians, poets, songwriters...even plagiarised thoughts.
So, I was very disappointed to discover "viva la vida" has eerily similar riffs to joe satch's song "if i could fly".

V, the joe satch fan, is highly delighted. he's found another reason to refuse to go with me to watch coldplay live in march. But he has to go. He owes me. :D

Back to my original point. I am very disappointed when greatness is not original, and is "inspired". I expect this from Anu Malik and his Bollywood brothers not Coldplay. I understand, creative arts are such that sometimes when you create something that is great, you think you came up with it yourself. But we have to be very very aware that we didn't copy someone else. I know its hard; sometimes when I write something, I worry about if I've read that line somewhere else. And I'm not even famous. But Coldplay is, so they need to be so much more careful and responsible as musicians. I understand how it could have been a genuine creative mistake (i really hope it is!) but that doesn't necessarily make it okay!

Led Zeppelin made a whole career out of ripoffs but Coldplay, you are The Scientist who Fixed me and made me go Yellow because of the Rush of Blood to My Head. Okay, corny I know, but if you haven't noticed, I really like Coldplay. I'll never sing viva la vida the same way because V will always remind me that its joe satch and not coldplay!

Watch this video and see what I mean

Oh and I think the combined version sounds really good. Just a thought: Maybe, now that Coldplay's album has gone Double Platinum and they've been nominated for a zillion Grammy Awards, maybe they should release a Special Edition Viva La Vida feat. Joe Satriani?

apathy

2008-12-02T13:10:00.003+10:00

i dont' understand how you cannot care.
i don't understand how 9/11 is important to you yet 26/11 isn't.
i don't understand how you can watch your city burn and just go about leading your life.
bombay's (yes, bombay!) resilience may also be its apathy.
but bombay's protests can also be the nation's protest.

i sit here a million miles away
and i spend hours, every day
watching the news, reading more articles
talking to "mumbaikars"
because
I AM AFFECTED
i have never been to bombay
but this isn't about bombay
this is about India
the politicians don't care
neither do you
i call to check on you and you say
"it's all downtown so we're just carrying on with life as usual"
life as usual? life isn't as usual anymore.

care a little more
don't just stand there watching while your country burns
stop blaming pakistan
you are no less to blame if you don't even care.

world aids day

2008-12-01T13:22:00.000+10:00

i'm

2008-11-30T01:32:00.004+10:00

not a hindu.
not a muslim.
not a mumbaikar.
just an indian...

new blog

2008-11-29T20:28:00.001+10:00

is up at last. work still continues but i need to write so will keep making changes while i keep writing.

see - http://legallyalien.wordpress.com/

schme schme..

2008-10-29T08:21:00.002+10:00

this blog needs a very serious makeover. have exams coming up and it seems for the first time exams don't automatically translate to frenzied blogging for me. but, thereafter i have a three-month summer vacation coming up. i will be working through most of it, but i have promised myself i will do something about my terribly inconsistent blogging habits. also have plans of a new blog but until i know more myself...ssshh you!

i have also promised myself i will take more photos, of everything. hopefully, i will have enough saved up by february to buy myself a nice nikon birthday present but until then my cybershot will have to do.

until exams are over iw ill content myself with blog-hoppinh. i'm discovering a lot of new bloggers and am on "add to reading list" mission!

see you on the other side.

thank you for the memories

2008-10-16T01:03:00.003+10:00

i can't find the words to say how much i miss you and i can't begin to count the number of reasons why. you are the best thing to have happened to our family, and i hope you're looking down at us from doggie heaven and wagging away and sending us licks because god knows the world needs more creatures like you. i've never been loved the way you loved me and i've never loved another the same. you have no idea how much happiness you spread and i'm trying so hard to only remember that happiness right now. when i was sad, you always knew, and you came to comfort me, and now i don't have that and i don't want to be sad. so i'm laughing at all your antics, your madness, your tantrums, your habits and most of all, your cuteness because i know you love seeing your family happy and for your sake i'm trying to be happy, and to encourage everyone else to be happy. i promise, you will always be with us, because thats the only thing you've ever asked of us - not to be alone - and you never will be. you loved us unconditionally, and i hope you can see how much that love meant to every single one of us. and we love you.

thank you for the last 16 years of happiness, madness and cuteness.

thank you for the memories.

thank you for being.

i miss you baby.

strangers in the night

2008-08-21T13:47:00.002+10:00

i have a strange sense of loyalty. in fact i'm not even sure if it can be defined as loyalty. i think attachment is more the word. i attribute human qualities to inanimate objects. i often think i could even hurt their feelings.

for example, i've been thinking of getting my own wesbite & of course an important part of it would be a blog but i feel awful about leaving Blogger. i mean, hello, how can i be so ungrateful. http://life-and-all-that-jazz.blogspot.com has been there for me when i've bin bored, happy, sad, blah & especially when i've been stressed (read: exam time!) so how can i desert him. i don't know how, why or when but Blogger is also a 'him'. sometimes i think of moving to Wordpress but then i feel like that would be the biggest betrayal to Blogger!

similarly, when my parents sold the first car i really had any memories with and about, i was very upset. i liked the new car just fine but i fel like we were betraying our poor little red car by selling her. yes, she's a 'her'.

yes, i have strange thoughts & even stranger emotions. i even have trouble changing phone numbers coz i grow attached to my numbers!

i know there will be some psychobabble that will explain the deep underlying trauma that leads to this strangeness! bleh! i prefer to look at it as just another quirk that makes me me!

thief

2008-08-20T17:49:00.001+10:00

i took $10 from my savings today and i felt like i was stealing.

cry me a river

2008-08-04T10:14:00.000+10:00

I have no time or patience for self-pity and wallowing in my problems. I don’t have patience for anyone who does it either.

And I haven’t heard this summed this up quite as well as this:

When someone hurts you, cry a river.

Build a bridge and get over it.

don't bother

2008-07-26T02:48:00.003+10:00

i hate it when i have too much going through my mind. i can't pay attention to and and ruminate enough on one thought alone.

samples...

random thought one:

not always pretty. this thing called love.

not always hugs and kisses and choco-fudge sundae.

random thought two:

why can't people just say what's on their mind? why play a guessing game and then get bitchy because the other person based their moves on their incorrect guess. but you didn't bother correcting their guess. you're the one who made them play guess!
just say it.
simple...enough?

random thought three:

do i need a haircut or should i hold out another month?

random thought four:

is this blog getting too personal?
should i start another venting blog?
but..
this blog will just d-i-e won't it coz all i do is vent?
hm.. decisions decisions...

random thought five:

i really need to go claim my bottle of thums up.
i hate thums up but just coz i don't get it here and we managed to get five bottles for a bargain, i had to have one for myself.
but now, there's one remaining and the boys have been eyeing it for the last couple-o-days.
thums up or exchange it for something better?

random thought six:

i miss ma. all the time.

...i'm tired. its 3:00 am and maybe i should go to bed. i question everything too much i just noticed. weird person this.

world's greatest labour saving invention....Tomorrow!

2008-07-22T00:35:00.002+10:00

i found this through digg this morning and it hit pretty close to home.

seriously, time-wasting and procrastination has become such an important part of my life. it sounds ridiculous and very contradictory but its a serious affliction.

sometimes i work for 15 hours, sleep 5, and work 15 again. and then i have 15 hours to myself. i either sleep 15 hours straight or spend time doing absolutely nothing like Facebooking and blog-hopping. And no, its not a justification that I need some nothing time. I could use the nothing time watching a movie, or maybe read (sometimes I forget I used to do that!) but I do nothing. I hate the TV and as electronically savvy as I am, the TV remote baffles me. But I watch TV for endless hours even when there's nothing interesting to watch. I watch badly subtitle Romanian films. this time, its worse than just putting off studying for the exam. at least i freaked out 2 days before the exam. now i don't freak out even the day of the exam.

i have put off doing seriously important things just to spend hours organising my already super organised computer into more folders. that done, i have spent time renaming the contacts on my address book so they all have the same capitalisation. i have made wishlists and lists of lists. i have searched for random recipes and why? i've also noticed how my damn laptop and bloody Google are such an integral part of this. yes, i do feel lost when my internet connection decides to have its monthly moodswing.

i am rambling and digressing.

i am not sure if i am obsessively compulsively disordered or i'm just productively challenged.

help?

"anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment."
- Robert Benchley

10 things i hate about my life..

2008-07-14T13:55:00.002+10:00

The usually (overly) optimistic me has taken a beating for now and pessimism has decided to take over. So I have decided to create my own tag. You’re more than welcome to do your own version…and if you do, send me a link and I will definitely come by and empathise

10 things I hate about my life right now…

Sleep
I sleep too much or I sleep too little. I go for weeks with 4-5 hours of sleep at night and then on my one day off, I do nothing amazing, but sleep for 12-14 hours. I love sleeping…but not this way.
Work
Work also includes studying. I feel like I’m working all the time. Yes, I need the money so I have to work and I have to justify spending $8000 ever semester so I have to study…butbutbut…I don’t want to work. Mommy!
Food
I miss home food. McDonald’s, KFC and Subway feel like heaven when you don’t have to eat it every other day coz ur too poor to buy anything else. I eat shit food every day (chiefly because I don’t have the time or the inclination to make something that tastes good) I’m used to my mum whipping up something amazing even with just two pieces of bread and one egg. All I can do with that is omelette/boiled egg and toast! Grrr….
Chaos
I feel like my life is in a constant state of chaos. I have no fixed meal times, no sleep time…nothing is fixed..except of course my work times. The chaos is reflected in the state of my wardrobe and my room…its so disorganized. I’m a list-maker and like having my day planned so I know exactly what I need to do…but I
Family, friends and familiarity
I lose count…how many times have I whined about this already. Well, add another number to that list. I can’t say it enough. I miss everyone…and all this shit would’ve been much easier if I had everyone around me!
Books
I can’t go to sleep without reading…even if it is reading the manual for some electronic device. But I always had books at home…now I own 3 books…and wait till I can afford something on eBay!
Space
Living with flat-mates gives you a whole new level of tolerance…and in my case, it adds a whole new layer to my habit of talking to myself…lol.. I have wonderful flat mates…but its not all great always right… and I value my personal space above everything else in the world…and I wish people would understand that sometimes I just like being alone and in my own world!
…. (to be updated)
…(to be updated)
Pessimism
I hate being so pessimistic but my shit life is making me pessimistic. I make fun of myself all the time and try to keep smiling but some days it all gets me down. I want to be happy all the time like I used to be…but I guess growing up isn’t that easy.

Phew… that felt good…. I think I feel a lot better now. Looks like getting that out of me actually made me positive again! I started out feeling like I had a million things to complain about…but I didn’t even make it to 10…and that really makes me feel good. Looks like life ain’t all that bad either!

Yay…sunshine on my shoulders

big city lights

2008-07-03T10:41:00.000+10:00

I am big city girl.

The longer I live on the Gold Coast, the more I realize how much I love a big city. No, the Gold Coast isn’t a big city…Calcutta is a big city.

I love the beach and I love how pretty everything is here but there’s something missing in the soul of this city. This is hard for people to understand if they’ve never been to the Gold Coast, but let me give it a shot.

Gold Coast is a holiday city…everything about the city is geared towards the tourists rather than the locals so it’s perfect for a holiday. Add pretty beaches and warm sunshine…and you’ve got yourself a nice Aussie holiday. But you don’t always want that from the city you live in right? It’s like living in Florida or say, Goa… these places are in permanent holiday mode and think the whole world is exactly like them as well!

I know Cal might not be big city-like when compared to say New York or Sydney ( I don’t know..i haven’t been to either)…but there is an ethos in the city which makes it a big city and Gold Coast’s taller and cleaner buildings cannot compete with that.

I really wish I could explain myself better but I can’t except to say that although I love Goldie…I miss the spirit of a big city!

And no, this is not another I-miss-home rant… it’s a I-miss-big-city rant!

The side effects of the unfortunate occurrence called growing up!

2008-06-30T10:03:00.003+10:00

When I was in school, I had this notion drilled into my head that the older I grew the wiser I (and my friends) would become. So reverentially did I take the words of my teachers and parents that I remember coming home very worried one day in junior school and asking, “Ma, o eto boka o boro kikore hobe?” (“Ma, she is so stupid, how will she become older?”). I remember being very worried about this particular friend and that she would never be able to tackle life crippled by her stupidity.

Not only did I learn that I had a hearing problem (she said “wiDer not wiSer!” I was told), I also realised, school was my period of maximum knowledge, maximum general awareness and minimum dependence on Google! I also learnt that the intelligence I value so highly is replaced by cunning these days…and cunning travels faster than light…but… I digress!

As we grow older (and yes, thank you, WIDER), the awareness of the self gains exceeding importance and everything else recedes into the background. In junior school, I knew I loved the colour blue and for some pitiful reason was obsessed with polka dots. I knew I loved to sleep (some things don’t change!) and some other basic facts that I took for granted without having to be consciously aware of them.

Now I seem to be aware of everything I like or dislike, including my habits. For example, I always read before going to bed and didn’t ever think about it. But now I have successfully analysed myself and have realised the reason I do this is because my mind keeps running even if my body is tired and the reading tires my mind enough for me to be able to sleep.

Really, did you need to know that??

Wouldn’t I have survived without that piece of information and just continued to read as a force of habit? I think so.

And while this self awareness irritatingly increases everyday, I seem to forget things I learnt in school. Being in the southern hemisphere now, the other day I tried explaining to someone that you when we move, the earth’s rotation tends to pull us in a particular direction and that it was different for either hemisphere. I couldn’t remember the name of the law of geography but had this hunch it started with F! Grrr…. I remembered studying it in class 7, I remember the class room so well but I couldn’t remember the name of the law!

Googling gave me my answer… Ferrel’s law! Wikipedia has the answer to all of my life’s questions!

“If a body moves in any direction on the earths surface, there is a deflecting force arising from the earths rotation, which deflects it to the right in the northern hemisphere and to the left in the southern hemisphere.”

Yay!

But I found myself really irritated. IWhat is also increasing in frequency is my inability to remember words for things I’m trying to explain! This doesn’t irritate me, it worries me, because I love words!

Therefore, I demand that we stay in school and keep learning and using the knowledge we gain, even if it serves us no purpose in “real life”. I’m happy with my simulated existence in school; real life can go dig itself a hole!

And Google, I love you, I really do, but my dependence on you is making me so stupid so I have to maintain a distance. I promise I will visit everyday ( I like seeing what theme iGoogle has in store for me every time I log on!) but please don’t tempt me to search everything that crosses my brain…please don’t have every answer so I actually have to pick my brain (presently in slush mode!) instead of yours.

For now, let me try and remember what the capital of South Africa is! No…don’t tell me…I know it…!!!

Grrrr…..

….

…

……..Pretoria?

the magic of pr

2008-05-15T00:20:00.003+10:00

i really do admire the creativity of pr/marketing persons. just when you think you couldn't possibly know more about the celebrity.... they find a new way of bombarding you with "never-before" heard of information.

i just heard about aamir khan and big b's blogs... and yes, i even had a read of them. interesting.
very very good pr i must say. i mean, who wouldn't wanna know what aamir khan the person actually thinks?
and then amitabh bachchan... all of a sudden he feels like your friend and you can have a conversation with him....
humanising the celebrity... nice touch.

im pretty sure they already have cult following? update ?

im amazed at the inanity of what im writing.. but i still force myself to.

just because.

maybe next time will be better?

guess who's back

2008-05-14T02:55:00.002+10:00

i haven't been here in forever... soo long that the blog seems stranger-like..
so will acclimatise (spelling?) myself with a tag.. and we'll see where we go?

here goes... :)

1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER?
Made of Honour

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
Vanity Fair. I have a lack of choices here...hence re reading stuff

3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
Life. My cousins and I thrived on it... We played it every time we met.
And Candyland..lol.. thanks to my sister
And Scotland Yard
And Cluedo...
yes, we were a board game family

4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?
umm....i'm not sure.... haven't read a good one in forever.. i lke india today and outlook but its been more than a year since i've read one!

5. FAVORITE SMELLS?
new books
ma
jingle.. dogs in general
dusk in winter (minus the pollution)

6. FAVORITE SOUND?
listening to someone i love

7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
loneliness in a crowd of people who have no idea something's wrong

8.FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE?
"Would I lose my job if I bunked work?"
"Do I really have to go to uni today?"

9. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
any street food in good old Cal!

10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
...will be decided in the future! duh!

11. FINISH THIS STATEMENT."If i had a lot of money i would...
...never work."

12.DO YOU DRIVE FAST?
I don't drive...yet. Will update soon.

13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
I used to.. not anymore. Not sure why.

14. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY?
cool... if i'm at home.
pain.. if i'm en route to some place important etc

15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
just bought...!!
holden commodore vy

16. FAVORITE DRINK?
water
lemon squash
lemon lime and bitters

17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT,"IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD...
...sleep more.
...read more.
...clean more.
...write more.

18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?
i eat it all. i'm strange. i like broccoli!

19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?
red...! just to see what i look like

20. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN.
born in hyderabad, india. lived in ranchi for a year. lived in kolkata forever
been in the gold coast, australia for over a year now

21. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH.
aah well.. the cliche.. cricket... i like tennis too.
but i have a limited attention span..i dont like watching tv!

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU.
slightly cookie, partly cloudy

23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
carpet, slippers and a packet i've been meaning to retrieve for the last week

24. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN?
i think so... with some more talents thrown in

25. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL?
night owl staying up to become a morning person!

26. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE UP?
always sunny

27. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX?
My room......in CAL!! :(

28. FAVORITE PIE?
chicken and leek! yum yum yum!

29. FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Chocolate..in all its variations.

30. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU TAGGED THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?
i don't want to tag anyone. im boring!

losing my religion

2008-01-19T22:21:00.000+10:00

A nice way to get my mind off stuff..

RULES
:1. Put your MP3 player/Media player on shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the name of the song no matter what.

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY?” YOU SAY? Thank you (Dido) (he he he...)

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? Everyday I Love You (Boyzone) (Umm..well...heh..me the romantic huh?)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? Plc.4 Mie Haed (Linkin Park) (weird...)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Love hurts (Aerosmith) (eerily true)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE? Thank you (Led Zeppelin) ( I sound like a retard..saying Thank You for everything)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? Suspicious Minds (Elvis) (Ha ha..never...i'm too dumb to be suspicious about everything!)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Jab koi baat bigad jaaye (from Jurm) (aah well.. romantic...but nice in the "i'm gonna be there for u" sort of way)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? Is there anybody out there (Pink Floyd) (Ha ha.. more like what they would think of me.. i often zone out into my own world and they would ask me that then!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?One of these days (Pink Floyd) (yea.. really... one of these days..i will be rich and famous..! he he..)

WHAT IS 2+2? Bulla ki jana (Rabbi Shergill) (he he he... funny answer)

DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? I believe I can fly ( R. Kelly) (yea...she does make me believe that!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Now and forever (Richard Marx) (niiice... finally one that makese sense...!)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Kangna ( Acoustic) (umm...i don't understand Punjabi too well... but i don't think it would make much sense if this was my life!)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Fast car (Tracy Chapman) (ha ha... yea it might be nice to become inanimate!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Hotel California (Eagles) (hmm...now THAT woul be a leetle scary methinks!)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? The Addams Family (movie & Tv themes) (err...i hope not....we would be ALL creepy and gooky...etc etc..hmm..)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? What if god was one of us (Alanis Morisette) (hmmm...i often question that but naah..not on my wedding day!)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Can't take my eyes off you (Lauryn Hill) (ha ha.. i'd have to be pretty grotesque if ppl can't take their eyes of me when i'm dead!)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Dogs (Pink Floyd) (ha ha..true...very true)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?Fear of the Dark (Iron Maiden) (OMG..this is funny.. coz i am really scared of the dark...)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? Children (Robert Miles) (he he he...yea... we're all leetle children!)

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS? Losing my religion (R.E.M.) ( everyday....)

:) i tag..you, yes you.

just a copy-paste job

2008-01-18T09:22:00.000+10:00

Dearest D, D and R,

Thank you for making my day with that email. Its 8:30 a.m. and I have just come to work and I usually check my email first thing in the morning before I become busy with work. I received the last two emails too but it’s been so busy at work I haven’t had a chance to reply. Today, I’ve actually told my boss that I need 15 minutes to reply to an email before I start working. J

In the last couple of weeks I have been writing a lot..in my blog and in my diary (yes I still have one) and I’ve noticed that most of what I write sounds really mature. He he. Even if I say so myself.. I’ve been thinking so much..analysing so much…theorising so much.

You’re right D when you say that life outside Loreto is so different. As much as I love LH, the one thing they didn’t do was teach us about the outside world…they really made it seems like the whole world lived the way we live in Loreto which is miles away from the truth. And you know what I’ve also realised… you and R, even though younger, are more mature than D and me and far more adept at handling change of any kind. I think both D and I have trouble letting go of the present (that is soon to become the past) because we fear the loss of familiarity.

I’ve learned so much about life ever since I’ve moved here and yes, I have changed a lot. But no, I’m still the same as well. I’m sure all of you know exactly what I mean by this contradiction. It’s like you’ve grown up yet somewhere deep down some things have remained the same. And I think that’s what brings us closer because we’ve literally grown up together…and are still growing…in every way (even physically…he he he…)

R and I both want to go home in the summer. Really don’t know if and when it will be possible. When you’re away from home, you realise that most other things are so superficial, and often to get somewhere you find yourself adding a little bit of that superficiality to yourself too….but when you’re home, you’re stripped of all your baggage and that’s when you’re comfortable.

I know, no matter how many years pass, whenever we meet we will still be silly and giggle and irritate each other and above all remain innocent. I know innocent is a strange word to use but is true. The protected lives that we have led (thanks to LH and our families) will never really let us grow up entirely and I think that’s beautiful. It’s nice not to be bitchy, cynical, doubtful or plain unhappy about everything that life throws your way. It’s nice to have faith….in something…and this faith arises from our innocence in the belief…that no matter what things will be okay.

I’m grateful to be brought up the way I have and have had the opportunities I have had coz I realise life teaches you so much and how you react to it and live your life depends on certain basic principles you were brought up with.

Really, there is so much to say, listen, discuss, bitch, theorise, philosophise and just randomly giggle about and I can’t wait to see each of you in person. But until then, know that I think of you’ll all the time…for silly things and major things and I’m always praying that life turns out in the very best way possible. I know sometimes things unplanned and unexpected turn out better than anything else…and maybe that’s what life is trying to tell us…that not everything may be going the way we want it to…but maybe that’s how its supposed to be because there is a bigger plan. And its not always easy to stay focussed…but we’ve gotta try. I know we’re all gonna be up there in the stars…and we’ll look back and giggle and wonder how we did it.

I better go now, or I could go on forever.

Lots of love,
Me (ow?)

P.S. I might post this on my blog! :)

i think i'm becoming stupid

2008-01-17T08:46:00.000+10:00

noreally.
i'm no saint. i'd like to fit in. its bad enough when you have to talk slowly so people understand you. its worse when you have to slow down your brain so people understand you. know what i mean?

last night someone said "i think i'd like to be a Spartan" and i laughed out loud.
me: i think you'd be more of an Epicurean. I don't see you as a Spartan.
s: why not. look at him (leonidas in 300). i'd like to be like that.
me: you're just looking at him from the brave warrior point-of-view. you couldn't live a Spartan lifestyle.
s (scoffs): Spartan lifestyle? You talk like you know all about it.
me: well. not all about it but i do know what their basic philosophy was and i know a Spartan wouldn't make a movie about himself.
s: oh come on. this is just hypothetical (he had ask me for the word.. "you know that word..where you're just imagining something...you know...")
me: yes. and again you couldn't be a Spartan. you're more of an Epicurean.
s: no i'm not.
me: do you even know what an Epicurean is?
s: no
me: hmm..
s: what is it? is it something good?
me: if you think so
s: huh?
me: (explain in gist what the Epicurean philosophy is)
s: hmm. how do you know so much? and why would you want to know it? its such a waste of time...but i guess that's what comes out of going to uni.
me: umm...its not a waste of time and i didn't learn this at uni and i don't know how i know this. maybe because i've always had intelligent friends before this.
s: (not very happy with me)
me: i think this country is making me stupid. when i say something smart, people think i'm deranged.. and i'm not even remotely as smart as most people i know back home. imagine?
when i say words like "pejorative" or "despot" or "bigot", people look at me and then just ignore it thinking they just didn't understand my accent again.
when i have a conversation with someone it is not even remotely intellectually stimulating and most of the time i'm quiet because i think if i open my mouth, my lack of stupidity will be revealed and i will be ostracised.
i am currently practising dumbing myself down.
not so easy if you have a brain.

(of course the last part was said in my head)

me: sorry. forget it. you'd make a good Spartan if you want to be one. lets talk about cricket. (thinking it to be a safe topic)
s: yea. its stupid isn't it. i wonder why he would call Symonds a monkey. just because he's aboriginal?
me: umm...no. i doubt people outside Australia know too much about the Aboriginal community and there could be another reason as well.
s: what's that?
me: that Symonds isn't Aboriginal.
s: what? of course he is.
me: nope. he's of West Indian origin.
s: really. how do you know that?
me: (here we go again...!!!)

i like.

2008-01-16T09:26:00.000+10:00

i've been blogging a lot recently. especially compared to my sporadic blogging activity ever since i moved here. i think the increasing levels of boredom at work... have nothing to do with it. (really. godpromise.)

i just realised no one really close to me reads my blog. i like that.
even when i write complete nonsense, its cathartic. writing helps my mind flow freely. not talking to someone you really know frees you of judgment (good or bad) and i like that freedom.
in a way its like telling strangers your secrets i guess. sort of like this.

i like.

happy birthday!

2008-01-15T08:57:00.000+10:00

i love this time of the year.. when i'm home.

right now..not so much.

end of the year is always so nice in Cal...Park Street lights, Midnight Mass, followed by new year excitement...and before you think my emotions are a little belated. WAIT! i haven't reached the best part yet.

the new year meant birthdays!

birthdays in my family are a vairy vairy big deal and today's my sister's 21st and i'm not with her! :(

as much as i want to do a "those were the days" post for her, i just can't bring myself to it. i'd rather not cry.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY baby girl...i can't believe YOU are 21!

I love you.... have a fabulous day.

i miss you..and i think my lack of words says it all.

braniac?

2008-01-15T08:52:00.000+10:00

You Are 15% Left Brained, 85% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.
Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.
If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.
Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.
Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.
If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.
Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

hmmmm...

interesting (and eerie!) how a random 10 questions can actually tell you a lot about yourself.

i do like reading and dogs just a little more than 15%..maybe 80%... but the right brained part is true...especially the dreaming bit! :-)

try it..and lemme know how you went.

people are strange...

2008-01-14T11:14:00.000+10:00

my much-travelled (therefore much-wise) dad once told me "no matter where you go, people are essentially the same." obviously, i wasn't particularly impressed with my dad's idea of passing on his wisdom to me. in fact i thought daddy wasn't very wise at all.

but then i left home and moved to another country - a really cosmopolitan country where i have met people from nationalities i didn't know existed. and i realised that my adulation of daddy dearest wasn't misplaced after all. and i now proudly proclaim:

"no matter where you go, people are essentially the same"

these are some of the types:

the clown: the nice guy who makes everyone laugh.
the free spirit: the hippie who lives his/ her life exactly the way he/ she wants to and doesn't give a f*** about what anyone else thinks.
the workaholic: the person whose whole life is all about work even though it doesn't have to be.
the shrewd businessman: who doesn't think about anything but money.
the racist/bigot: not just white supremacists, but people who are obsessed with their religion and their nationality.
the controlling, insecure boyfriend: who does what he feels like but also makes sure his girlfriend does what he feels like.
the spineless girlfriend: the girlfriend of the aforementioned boyfriend who fawns over him like he's a prize catch and does whatever he feels like, and feels the need to seek his permission for everything.
the Peter Pan: and i mean this in the (not) nicest way!; the middle-aged guy who doesn't realise he's growing old and still wants to pick up!
the geek: whose life revolves around academics. very few here honestly; probably replaced by the workaholic.
the independent woman: who has the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect car, the perfect figure, the perfect clothes, but the not-so-perfect love life.
the ignoramus: who thinks the whole world works exactly the way he looks at it.
the judgmental asshole: who (apparently) stands on a moral pedestal and believes it to be his prerogative to decide whether people are leading their lives the 'right' way.
the narcissist: who thinks the world revolves around him.
the creative cookie: who is a numbskull with everything ordinary.
the dumb blonde: who is nothing but. (trust me there's lots of those here!)
the obsessive mum: who has to know everything about her kid's life.
the animal lover: who will buy a house just so he/ she doesn't need permission to have pets.
the sports fanatic: who not only watches every sport but plays them too.
the happy couple: who are normal and balanced, and support, encourage each other. (and are less dysfunctional than most of the people on my list!)
the sneaky ambitious b****h: who will do anything it takes to take the credit and jump on to the good-books wagon.

ok. the dumb blonde is talking non-stop in the next room and interrupting my chain of thought therefore i shall end here. though this by no means, means that these are the only types of people i know.

feel free to add to my list though. :)

the bucket list

2008-01-09T11:00:00.000+10:00

not original at all but i love making lists and this is one i have (mentally) been making for a very long time: the bucket list
i.e. a list of things i want to do before i kick the bucket
(inspired by other blogs and the nicholson-freeman movie to be released soon)

go to a michael jackson concert
travel to europe
understand the nuances of photography
go scuba diving, parasailing, bungee jumping, white-water rafting.. you get the drift
see the niagara falls
read more classics ( i still haven't settled on a number)
get high ( no i haven't. ever.)
have my own book and movie library
buy a house. building one would be even better
buy my dad a "prestige" car
write my own book
learn to ride a sports bike
study literature again
learn french
see the seven wonders of the world
start my own business (no idea what it's gonna be)
buy a pair of jimmy choos and manolo blahniks
be famous
24 times in 24 hours
be proposed to in the most romantic way ever
start an animal shelter/charity
appear on tv/in a movie
win the lottery
and be rich enough to never have to work again

......this is a rather long list and i'm more than sure i've forgotten lots more but i'm gonna end it here for now.

i tag anyone, who like me, has nothing better to do (and blogs at work)!

oh grow up!

2008-01-08T08:44:00.000+10:00

Human beings have become far too sensitive as people; and of course extremely manipulative too…
Racism is now a word used to a person’s advantage and often people with half-baked knowledge create the hue and cry to support this superficial manipulation of a word I take quite seriously.
Of course if you’re reading this, you will say “You’re Indian and you are going to support the Indians.”. Well, no. I’m not blind. But racism is far too over-used a word and more often that not, it is completely unnecessary. Rather than bring people together, if you're men from two different cultures and you have an argument -it is likely one will be accused of racism simply because he can be!

Thanks to work I haven’t been able to follow the cricket much so I don’t know if Harbhajan Singh called Symonds a monkey. If he did, he is an ignorant man lacking in sporting spirit. It doesn’t make him racist but it doesn’t condone him either.

If so, I’m sure the Australian cricket team should long have been banned from cricket for the “sour-nothings” they rapidly mutter under their breath; not just against India but most cricketing teams.
More importantly, if so, it amazes me that Andrew Symonds did not feel the need to make a complaint after the Vadodara incident.
Read this – it’s what an Aussie journo has to say.

The Indian team and the BCCI too is blowing things out of proportion and marching ahead on the war path blinded by fury; not prepared to see reason. If Harbhajan did make those comments, he owes Symonds an apology and that’s where it should end. There is no reason for Harbhajan or the Indian team to behave like spoilt brats and sulk while Papa BCCI takes care of everything.

I don’t know enough about cricket to declare what would be fair. Boys will be boys. But I think both Indians and Aussies should grow up and simply play the game.
....Of course there’s also the matter of the $52 I have spent on tickets to the Gabba for the One-Dayer in Feb.

the year gone by...

2008-01-07T15:36:00.000+10:00

as is expected, i must write something thoughtful and meaningful at the beginning of the new year eh?
well...i can't think of anything ground breaking and i have no pearls of wisdom so i will tell you what i learnt over the last year. 2007 began with a flurry of activity and nervousness in preparation for my departure to the much-fabled Vilayet.
and the rest of the year has been (and still is...) a series of "revealations" and learning experiences and that is essentially what the past year has been for me.

...i've learnt that no amount of TV can prepare you for the realVilayet
...i've learnt that i have an indian accent inspite of everything. i'm most often not understood because i speaktoofast not because i'm inarticulate. i've also learnt that its excruciatingly hard to develop a drawl.
...i've learnt that Indians and Chinese are the most proactive nations in the world because i'm sure we're represented in every country of the world!
...i've learnt that the more choices and more opportunity you have, the more complacent you become.
...i've learnt that even in the land of the world champions of cricket, cricket isn't half as big a deal and not even Steve Waugh is worshipped here forget cricket being a religion!
...i've learnt that india is more americanised than probably even america itself. i was amazed to not find simple things like Lays chips here and realised that the Aussies take pride in Aussie stuff and have their own brands for 'most everything.
...i've learnt that women here sometimes shave their legs as often as twice a week but have never shaved their arms!
...i've learnt that the "educated" west is not so educated and don't understand most words i use. i've realised that education is a part of an indian's being; it's seldom considered important here.
...i've learnt that even friendships can be different in different cultures.
...i've learnt that every human being is racist. even you. even me.
...i've learnt that people are essentially the SAME all over the world. the "west" isn't as broadminded about everything as it is made out to be.
...i've learnt that indian food = butter chicken!
...i've learnt that indians inherently know how to save and pinch pennies and within days of arrival will find the best bargains..even ones that Aussies don't know exist!
...i've learnt that indians have the best general knowledge in the world
...i've learnt that Calcutta has the best food... Chinese, Indian, Thai, Tibetan... anything!... and I've also learnt that Indians really have big appetites!
...i've learnt that Kookie Jar makes the best chocolate cakes in the world!
...i've learnt that toilet paper leaves me feeling dirty...
...i've learnt that indian women really are the prettiest(*grin grin*) and i am often mistaken for being underage because i have such "fantastic skin" (quote unquote!)
...i've learnt that indians aren't doing anything to help the environment. at least people attempt to recyle here.
...i've learnt that you could sell Rs. 10 havai chappals here for $30 as havainas and people would wear it to a nightclub!
...i've learnt that as a nation, we are rude without even realising it sometimes and have found my manners again. i've learnt that a please and a thank you are really essential in everyday life.
...i've learnt that a wine is not just red or white but can in fact be a sauvignon blanc, a chardonnay, a shiraz, a cabernet sauvignon, a blend....and the like.

...this list really could go on forever especially since i am in such an introspective mood but i am compelleing myself to stop for now and may add to this late in the future.
for now, lets just conclude i am a wise old woman. heh!

would you rather be prepared for an opportunity and not have one; or have an opportunity and not be prepared for it?

2007-12-30T17:16:00.000+10:00

i met a girl today who has seven children.
she's 26.
she had her first kid when she was 15 and 9 months old.
5 of the 7 kids are from different fathers.
she doesn't work. she feels no inclination to work.
the government uses the taxpayer's money to give her dole for being unemployed.
she also gets benefits because she is a single mother with children (7!)

i come from a country where you don't take even the basic necessities for granted
and,
am now living in a country where basic necessities are a basic right.

in india if you're unemployed, you could be starving pretty soon.
in australia, if you're unemployed the government will take care of you.
sounds good theoretically, but in practicality, there are so many who simply abuse it because they know they won't die if they don't work.

makes me wonder....
sometimes having everything isn't too good a thing either. its strange to know that there's a flip side to every story.....but then this is how human beings work always.

when you're growing up, there's the rich girl, the not-so-rich girl and the poor girl and no prizes for guessing who's spoilt and takes all her luxuries for granted. using the same analogy on a more macro level, it is the same for countries all over the world...and

it makes me wonder....
if there is such a thing as a perfect world...
i always thought a lack of opportunity curbed a man's dreams..
but now,
i think too many opportunities could make you stop dreaming all together!

"Life's ups and downs provide windows of opportunity to determine your values and goals - Think of using all obstacles as stepping stones to build the life you want"

- Marsha Sinetar

you never know when you're making a memory...

2007-12-27T00:35:00.001+10:00

why is it that distance makes the heart grow fonder?
why is it that when you're removed from familiar surroundings, you view that familiarity with rose-tinted glasses?
every sound, every sight, every thought, every memory is romanticised..
..no matter where you go and what you do... you're sub consciously always thinking about "home"?

what emotion would you describe as? its not just love..its also a longing, a fondness...
home is always where the heart is..and strangely, when you're millions of miles away, memories are made of things that were insignificant when they actually happened.

the lack of current familiarity, the absence of family and the sudden foray into independent life makes the past life seem perfect even though it may not have been...and will always be romanticised in retrospect... but hey, a little exaggeration never hurt anyone...!

Ma

2007-10-08T01:13:00.000+10:00

I love you Ma. How do you explain your love for someone in three simple words. Without sounding melodramatic or neka, these words are really not enough but like the song goes "…words are all I have".

I am me, because of you and there are no two ways about that. I may be taller than you, but at heart, I am really a miniature of you, and I love that. I love it when people tell me I look like you, talk like you, have mannerisms like me. Nothing could be a bigger compliment. Like you, I'll always remain a child at heart.

Through the beginning of my teenage years, I never understood why girls would say their mothers are their best friends. To me it seemed impossible. But I feel stupid now. You really are my best friend. You understand things even without me saying them. There are things I can tell only you, because no one else will ever understand it. I talk so much more ever since I have come here, but there's no one I really "talk" to. Do you know what I mean?

Remember all those times I would be sitting and working at the computer, and I would call out to you to come look at something. I don't know why I couldn't contain the excitement. Anything that excites me even a little bit, I have to share it with you. I miss for simple reasons like this. But like Albert Einstein once said "In great simplicity lies great complexity." And yes, through all these simple reasons, simple moments, I realise how much I miss you.

I miss you.

When I read a nice poem, a nice quote, the only person I want to share it with, is you.

When I walk down the road and something reminds me of Cal, I think of you.
When I don't feel like having "boring dinner" but have it anyway because I know that I don't have a choice.

When I feel sick.

When I wake up in the morning and there's no one to pester me about "doodh".

When I go shopping alone and don't have anyone to tell me I'm looking nice even in the most ridiculous clothes.

When I get a compliment.

When I do well at uni/ work.

When I eat prawns.

When I come home and there's no one at home.

When I have so much to say, but no one to say it to.

When I use the nice "mota" pens here.

When I can't talk to you about something in detail because you can't imagine it. ( like my uni, or my house.)

When I eat food and I think about how much better you would have made it.

When..when…when…

This list really could go on forever couldn't it? I miss you everyday, for a brand new reason, and it would be impossible to list it all.

I don't know at what stage in life we started becoming closer, but thank God for it. What would I have done without you Mommy. You really are my biggest strength. Words are all I have, but they aren't enough. Some emotions are just to be felt I guess.

You always said na that you and I have a special bond. I couldn't agree with you more. It's a bond I can't explain to anyone, and no one but you and me can feel it.

Thank you Mumma. For everything. For always being there, for knowing when to be strict, when to be lenient and bringing me up to be a confident young woman who believes she can take on the world.

back!

2007-10-02T20:13:00.000+10:00

nearly 3 months that i haven't put anything down here. everytime i stay away, i tell myself i won't do it. i will write more regularly...just to keep writing...just to keep going...but i get caught up in mundane trivialities and the banality of life becomes more important than just putting your thoughts to paper (read: 'blog'.. he he...)

the last week has been strange. i've hardly talked yet talked so much. i've met so many people and surprised even myself by how much i've been able to talk to new people. yet, i haven't had an intelligent conversation. i often catch myself dumbing things down...and though i try to tell myself that i shouldn't change, what's the point in using words people don't understand?

i have a strong urge to discuss literature and i know i can't coz no on else knows a damn thing.
so.... in keeping with my literature mood, i am posting a poem by one of my favourite poets ever.

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it

(anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and

whatever a sung will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky

of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that is keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

e e cummings

2007-07-10T02:40:00.000+10:00

Mea culpa... I am to blame...
...that I haven't posted in a while.

Mea culpa....
...why is it so hard for people to admit they are to blame?
Why is it easier to point the finger than look at yourself?

New job is keeping me busier, tireder, crankier than me thought.

Creativity has taken a beating.

Zadie Smith brilliant author. Want more.
*note to self - joinjoinjoin library NOW.

Mea cupla...
...my room's A MESS...!!

same difference..

2007-06-26T19:56:00.000+10:00

Yes, I believe in God. As Orkut would have me define it, I am "spiritual but not religious". At least not overtly. I do certain things, things which make sense. I am not blindly religious. I am Hindu, by birth. I've studied in a Christian institution for 16 years and have had friends from every caste and creed and never, EVER, felt the need to discriminate.

Christianity is like my second religion. It's hard to study in Loreto and not know so much about Christianity. But Loreto has ALWAYS taught me about how peace-loving the religion is, and has told me all about how good it is. In fact, I haven't just been told, I've learnt first hand about the goodness from principals who were really amazing.

I have had Muslim friends and never given a thought to the animosity that is supposed to exist.

And, I have had Sikh, Sindhi, and Zorashtrian friends.

I also have friends of different castes and people from different states. And we all know, that in India, different states practice a different brand of Hinduism....so it's as good as making friends with people of different religions. I have also always wanted to make friends with a Pakistani.

My boyfriend's half Parsi, half Coorghi.

I have a Gujarati aunt, an Italian uncle, a Maharashtrian brother-in-law, a Parsi aunt.

And everyone has always happily coexisted.

Yet......yet.....YET.

Today, at the bus stop...two strange things happened.

I was sitting next to a guy who I assumed was Indian. He looked me up and down, and turned away. It pissed me off but I didn't bother. Then a Korean girl sat down on the other side and he started chatting. He said he was from Kashmir, and the girl said "India?". He got so mad. He said "No. Kashmir belongs to Pakistan. Don't you know that? Why's the world so ignorant?" And then he turned around, looked straight at me and said "Bloody Indians!"

At another bus stop, another guy came and sat down next to me and started chatting with me. Suddenly, he asked me "Do you believe in God?"...Obviously taken aback that the guy would ask me something like that in a conversation that had been going on for only 5 minutes...but I very hesitanty replied..."Y-Y-e-ess." Then it started.

He went on and on about how Jesus is coming back and how he is the supreme God. I told him that I didn't believe that..and Jesus wasn't the supreme God. He got so mad. He got up, very calmly told me that it didn't matter what I believed, Jesus was coming back and I would regret it. And, he said I could go back to him because he would forgive me.

Maybe I'm not just talking about religion...but differences really. But I'm just a little pissed off, a little shocked, a little irritated...and a little something I can't explain.

The rbt and the korn.

2007-06-25T23:32:00.000+10:00

I've always wanted the "perfect" friendship but then convinced myself that there was no such thing. Someone once said "True love is rare. True friendship is rarer." Aquarians, as per their zodiac, are people who have tons of friends, but very few people they are close to. Perfectly defines me.

There are friends you can laugh with, and there are ones you can go out for coffee with.
There are friends you can talk books with, and there are ones you can dance with.
There are friends you can discuss philosophy with, and there are ones you can crack a dumb joke with.
And then...
...there's Anahita a.ka. Koni

She's my "perfect friend" because...

...I sit with her, on her steps, for hours, not saying a word...and my day just gets better.

...she makes the stupidest spelling mistakes and doesn't mind when i correct her.

...I am comfortable enough to fall asleep mid-sentence and know we can just resume the conversation next morning.

...she buys me any little Garfield thing she can see anywhere just because she knows I'll love it.

...I can be her bossy Momma Mary, and know she'll give a damn.

...she's a newly converted dog-lover and is Jingle's next best friend.

...I can complete her sentences and figure out her apparently nonsensical thoughts.

...she listens when I'm moody and snappy, and looks at the feelings behind the tone.

...I can be narcissistic, low, self deprecating, creative, crazy, smart, stupid, loving, irritating...and know she'll understand.

...she knows what I'm thinking, how I'm reacting, even though she' millions of miles away.

...I can tell her my dreams, even the silliest impossible ones, and she'll listen.

...she's never shy to say "I don't know" or "I don't understand" and wants me to explain to her.

...I can be myself. Completely.

...she's crazy and silly to the world, yet so caring, and so so smart and determined.

...I can spoil her, and shout at her at the same time.

...she's my Koni, Korny, (K)anahita, Kornster, Korner, KornStar...

There's so many reasons, so many emotions, so many feelings, so many moments.... so many memories I love her. She's my perfect friend, my bestest friend, my crazier and better half...and no matter what anyone says, she's ALL MINE.

Love ya.
God speed.
I know you'll do well...You're destined to.

Magic in a can

2007-06-23T19:12:00.001+10:00

Watch this...
This is what I call ART.

sweet child o' mine...

2007-06-21T04:48:00.000+10:00

The lights go out and the psychedelia's driving the crowd crazy.
You're so close to the stage that you can even see in the dark.
You see a skinny figure being guided up to the stage with a torchlight..and you whisper(very excitedly) to the person next to you "That's him..that's him!"
Slowly..the first few strains start playing and you identify the song....and that's when you hear his voice and are practically jumping in your seat...

The lights come on...and he is singing "Welcome to the Jungle"....but hey...what happened? Where's Axl Rose? Shit.. that IS Axl Rose...

You never really think musicians age. I seriously imagined a skinny man in skinny jeans or tight leather pants, long flowing golden hair....and bandanna. Instead, what I saw was a beefy man, no skinny jeans (heck, you've gotta be skinny to wear skinny jeans!)...and no long flowing hair either.. it was all...well...dreadlocked! I guess the Sweet Child grew up...
This is how he looks now...in case you're like me and were stuck in the past!

Ok, I've seen the braids/ dreadlocks before...but I still kind of pictured him as he was in the video of "Sweet Child..." And though he still kept doing that strange snake-like dance that he does in the video with the mike, on stage as well.... he seemed so subdued. Okay, I don't really know him...but you know...I've seen videos of concerts....Too bad they wouldn't allow people to take pictures or I could've explained this better! In short, he wasn't all "bad boy"

Anyway, it didn't matter that he didn't look the same...he sounded just as crazy and of course, great. Missed Slash though...I mean, WHAT is GnR without Slash...but I guess...this is the new GnR..

I'm an old GnR fan though...I prefer lesser metal....There were a lot of new songs from their new album 'Chinese Democracy'. I knew I was going for the 'Chines Democracy' tour...but seriously until I reached there...I didn't know why it was called that. Smartypants that I am, I figured they were trying to support a social cause...and fighting for democracy in China. And though it made no sense to me....I convinced myself....until I heard the guys behind me talking....And I felt quite thankful I hadn't told anyone about my theory!

So anyway, I haven't heard any of their new songs...and will never either. Heard them today and that was alright....but nothing's as great as Sweet Child o Mine, or November Rain. Amazin! When he sang November Rain, I just shut my eyes and pictured the old (rather, young) Axl Rose......it was really really good. Piano always does something to me!

It was fun. It was the first time I've been for a concert...and it was so bloody organised...except of course they started just about 1 1/2 hours late! He he...which was ok....we reached an hour late anyway....We had awesome seats...4th row! And, I finally got to do some typical concert headbanging.....I waved my hands in the air with my cellphone light burning bright...with about 50,000 other people.... I sang "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" with Axl Rose....

But I guess, we never really imagine musicians or any famous people as "real people" so it's hard to imagine them getting old or changing....and when you see it..it's hard to reconcile yourself to it. So so wish these bands didn't have to break up. What I wouldn't give to see Axl Rose and Slash perform together... or Pink Floyd perform together........... Is someone upstairs listening?

Inspite of the concert, I'll always imagine Axl Rose like this....

P.S.
If we were to talk about one rock band of our generation.... who would it be?

finally...

2007-06-20T06:53:00.000+10:00

now THAT is adorable!

2007-06-17T19:27:00.000+10:00

All done..

2007-06-17T08:04:00.000+10:00

Finally,
blog looks a little decent.
Not really excited about it...but it'll do for now. Way too tired to make any other changes. Still have to add links to blogs tho....but later...

Blog under construction.

2007-06-15T08:01:00.001+10:00

I'm a bloody idiot.
Made so many goddamn changes to the blog and then screwed it all up.
Please check back soon for a happy blog.

The truth about change.

2007-06-14T05:33:00.002+10:00

Change is inevitable.
Except from a vending machine.

2007-06-02T20:00:00.000+10:00

i seem to have lost all enthusiasm to blog. i like to tell myself that my life is too busy (which it is) for me to blog, but then i can't help but acknowledge the fact that i started my blog in the middle of my exams...( so i was busy then too!)

i wrote about mundane boring everyday things, but i still wrote. life here has so much more. i mean, boring everyday things are also new to me, hence not mundane to me yet but i just don't feel like writing.

why why why?

All i want is everything....

2007-04-24T15:45:00.000+10:00

Last night I re-read The Kite Runner. I am not a person given to crying over books and movies but no other book has made me as sad as this book has. I reread it not just coz it's the only book I have here with me but because it affected me so profoundly the first time round. I miss my books. I miss my space. The one thing I don't miss is solitude. I have lots of that..yet I left "my space" back at home.

Although the story is something I cannot personally relate to, the one thing which struck me was being away from home. I remember telling someone once that when you move out of home, you think that "home" will always stay the same and nothing will be out of place when you go back. You know that's not possible logically but when has logic ever worked where emotions are concerned. I've been away for just about 2 months and I probably cannot qualify this statement like my father or my sister but I know that this is exactly what I expect.

I have always had trouble dealing with change. Of course, my life doesn't come to a standstill or anything like it but I do have trouble adjusting. I am attached to very few things, very few people, very few emotions and I hate having to let go of that comfort zone. The first time I realised how averse I was to change was after ICSE in class 10. I didn't cry when my whole class was bawling their eyes out because I had no idea what was to come. Sure, I was still in LH, but a lot of the people I knew as classmates, as friends were now in different places doing different things. There were so many new faces..and it was little hard getting used to it.

Then college happened. The change was obviously more drastic...and hence equally depressing for me. For a whole year, I hated going to college. I had friends yes, they are the best friends I've ever had, but I hated it. I cribbed, complained, cried. Then one fine morning, it was gone and I loved going to college....and sometimes I wish I hadn't taken that long getting used to the place...coz I miss so much about it now!

Now, going away from home. No I can't say I've got over the change. I still try to put an imaginary date in my head as the day I will be headed home.....There are days when I miss it so much I cry and even that doesn't take the pain away. I just cry till my tears dry up and I don't even feel better. In time I tell myself. In time.

What struck me while reading Kite Runner last night was the way Amir hated being reminded of Afghanistan because of his ugly past. I don't have an ugly past at home...it's the most beautiful past. Yet, yet I hate being reminded of home. I mean I always think about it. When I look at the beach, I think about Jingle would've enjoyed it, when I look at the roller coasters I think about how Runki would've gone crazy on them, when I look at my house, I think about how my parents would have loved them, when I look at clothes I think about fashion crazy girls.. Runki and Koni... Small things..big things...remind me of home all the time. Yet I'd rather not be consciously reminded of them.

I probably don't quite make sense but I'll try and explain. I have always associated everything. For example, I'd associate a movie with the people I went to watch it with, a restaurant with the people I went there with etc. Hence, I don't like watching Rang De Basanti anymore because it reminds me of my college friends, and the great time we had on that day. I have a few photographs put up in my room, but apart from that, I don't like looking at the rest of the pictures of my laptop. I miss my dog so much I have his photo as the wallpaper on my phone but I don't like looking at his pictures otherwise. Small, silly things like this affect me a lot. I know if I do things like this, I will just miss home more, so for now, I just choose to avoid them. It's probably very escapist..but that's the only way I can deal with it right now because confronting my emotions only means dealing with something I can't handle right now...I will change...in time. Until then, I will remain a workaholic by day, and insomniac by night...

Yet paradoxically, I love the internet even more than I used to earlier..because it is the only way I get news of home everyday.

I am happy here and I am glad I came here....but I wish life wasn't always about choices. I wish we always had home..wherever we went. Home is where the heart is, and my heart is in Calcutta, with everything I've always known as home, my family, my friends, my school, my college, MY SPACE.

news from down under...

2007-03-29T21:13:00.000+10:00

It's been a long long while. So much has changed since.

I am sitting here in far away Australia...and life, in just one month, has been such a learning experience. I know it sounds awfully cliched but it is true. Living on my own has made me so much more responsible...

I have uni only three days a week yet it feels like I barely have any time to breather. While I sit to write this, I'm feeling overwhelmed by the number of things I have to say. I don't know where to start. Of course life here is different, you already know that. Education too is different. But you know that too. But did you know I don't have any exams? No. People do give exams here but me be lucky Arts student so I have loads of presentations to make and assignments to do. But no, no mugging! FINALLY!

MY ROUTINE ON A DAY I HAVE UNI:

1. Wake up
2. Loo
3. Make bed
4. Wash undies
5. Bath
6. Breakfast. (if I wake up too late, then a hurried lunch!)
7. Pack bag to go to uni
8. Wait at bus stop to go to uni. (ranges from 10 mins to 25 mins)
9. Reach uni and the long walk to the classrooms. (uni is HUGE!!)
10. Attend class
11. Go to library (love the place)
12. Wait for bus to come back home
13. Come home. Change
14. Put clothes in washing machine.
15. Wash dishes.
16. Scramble for something to eat
17. Study/sleep/watch tv/read newspaper
18. Cook dinner
19. Go to sleep

On the days I don't have uni. It's worse. I vaccuum the floor, tidy the room..etc etc etc...
so yea...i pretty much have a great life..lol..

i've become an awesome cook. and so has vicky..he's just the sweetest. he's making dinner today..and it smells blooy awesome..chinese..yummm....okay...im hungry now...but will update soon...when im in the mood to write better...

2007-02-20T22:58:00.000+10:00

ive been away and i don't know if it actually did me any good. the problem with me is that i don't know when to shut up or where to draw the line when i'm writing. i go on and on and say much too much about myself. am not too sure if that's a good thing. therefore, i disappeared. didn't write. coz all that was going on was wayyy tooo personal.
anyway, will try to write a little more than mere chronicling of my day. as of now, it's not very apparent. i know.

terrible moodswings. bordering on schizophrenic type.
happy-cranky-happy-cranky-cranky-cranky-happy.

2007-02-07T06:41:00.000+10:00

cant think of nothing intelligent to say.
cant think of nothing interesting to say.
strange.
life is in total upheaval. sooooo not in the mood to write.

2007-01-23T06:04:00.000+10:00

lots happening.
lotser to tell.
time will come.

bumperIIbumper

2007-01-06T06:59:00.000+10:00

Where else will a man/woman (immaterial!) hold their hand up in the air while crossing the road at peak hour traffic and vehemently believe it to be adequate warning for all of those screeching....skidding...honking vehicle drivers?

Where else will you have the traffic lights turning red while the policeman frantically urges you to keep moving ahead?
or,
Where else does the counter show 132, while the light turns green?

Where else will the men at the parking lots all parrot the same dialogue "chaka shojaaaa.... baaas baasss... NEUTRAL!" ?

Where else will you be warned to "BEWARE OF CATTLE" on one of the so-called best roads of the city?

Where else is every "small" car automatically categorized as "Ae Maruti......" by the bus conductors?

Where else do you have water gushing down the drainage pipes of flyovers to unashamedly drench poor souls on two-wheelers on the roads below?

Where else is it perfectly normal to drive without your headlights on even in pitch darkness?
or,
Where else is it perfectly alright to drive with your headlights blinding the oncoming car?

Where else is it ok to U-Turn at a "No U-Turn", Park in a "No Parking" zone, Enter a "No Entry" zone and yet fight just because might is right!

Where else does a policeman go off for a muri break and stands watching at the sidelines while traffic goes haywire and abuses rain aplenty?

Where else does a bus stop just because you waved your hand in the air?

Where else does the entire direction of traffic change after certain points in the day?

Where also do auto-rickshaw drivers believe they are the direct descendants of Schumacher and the like?

Where else would you wreck your car to save a dog and kill a dog to save your car?

Where else would you see a BMW, bullock cart, hand-pulled rickshaw and a badly bruised aluminium bodied bus, cycle, and auto all fighting for pride of place in the same stretch?

Where else would a manhole open up in the middle of the road without any warning; and to avoid which you nearly crashed into the newly constructed-absolutely unlit concrete road divider?

Where else is driving above the speed of 70 considered a privilege?

Where else is a woman driven crazy for daring to drive a car?
or,
Where else is a cop's ego more offended that a woman is driving rather than charmed by her pretty smile? (heyyy..come on! Not all women drive badly!)

Where else does the pedestrian have the right of way on the roads rather than the vehicles?

Where else do people (read: taxi drivers) have conversations from window to window utterly oblivious of the traffic situation?

Where else is blaring music (music = "bangle ke peeche teri beri ke neeche.....", mind you) certification for the ultimate "Cooooool" car?

Where else can you buy the latest seasonal fruit/vegetable and do other household shopping right out of your car (Today's menu being: half-squashed strawberries, over-grown lemons, apparently cute but obviously useless wall hangings, and yes, don't miss the sweet smelling roses that were just stolen from someone's grave!)?
and yes, while you're at it,

Where else could you do your good deed for the day by dropping 50p in some droning beggar's bowl, or better still have your packet of chips/ Pepsi/ mobile phone/ Ipod snatched out of your hand..and of course be entertained at the same time by snake charmers dropping snakes in your lap just so that you'd remember your "good" deed forever, while you gave away your phone.watch.wallet.sunglasses..........?

Where else is "baaaad baaaaaaaaaaad traffic jam" sufficient (though not always believable) reason to be over two hours late?

Where else do taxi drivers/pedestrians/shitty car owners deliberately try to scratch your brand new Toyota Corolla (even go to the heights of opening the door of a moving taxi just so that your white car gets a dent!)?

Where else is the Ambassador still the most reliable and comfortable car? (even though car-making has since reached milestones!)

No! no prizes if you guessed them all correctly!!

Driving in this city is
....maddening
....romantic
....hair-raising
....an art
....frustrating
....entertaining
....time-consuming
....an experience
....yada yada yada...

butbutbut....we're all living in it complacently in a happy(?) state of bonhomie. The city has and probably will always be insanely maddening yet terribly lovable too. This be Calcutta. Truest.

Tagged 2007!

2007-01-03T10:18:00.000+10:00

For lack of better things to write about and because I really really do procrastinate by wasting time on things like this!

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? A lot of stuff...primarily.. stood up for myself.

2. Did you keep your new years resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I quit making resolutions!!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope!

4. Did anyone close to you die? hmmm....

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I'm generally good with dates but I don't think 2006 was particularly spectacular hence no...nothing really!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Opening up. Faith.

9. What was your biggest failure? hmmm.....not telling some people what i really think of them!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing serious. Otherwise NUMEROUS injuries.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? V. He changed a lot of stuff.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? No one really.

14. Where did most of your money go? Phone bills!! he he...FOOD!! and of course V's Ibanez.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? V coming back home for good and a lot of other stuff which didn't turn out quite as expected!

16. What song will always remind you of 2006? Rang De Basanti songs and some other random stuff. Practically every event in my life is defined by a song.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? Sadder.

19. What do you wish youd done more of? Taken photographs of the people I love. Talk. Not just stupid banter....

20. What do you wish you'd done less of? Fight. Sulk. Cry.

21. How will you be spending Christmas? At my cousin's wedding.

22. Did you fall in love in 2006? everyday!

23. How many one night stands? zero

24. What was your favourite TV programme? i liked it better when it was switched off. but if i must, started liking travel n living.

26. What was the best book you read? Oh god...im so bad at remembering this stuff! Kite Runner would be one i guess.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? My sister's taste..a lot of random alternative rock.

28. What did you want and get? Financial independence. (to a great extent)

29. What did you want and not get? Peace. From varied quarters. The perfect moment of happiness.

30. What was your favourite film of this year? Rang De Basanti is all I can remember. I'm sure I liked a lot of other stuff too but just can't remember.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 21. Friends came over.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Figuring out what it is that I really want from life.

34. What kept you sane? Not much. 2006 drove me pretty crazy.

37. Who was the worst new person you met? Hmmm...didnt really meet anyone new of any significance.

38. Who was the best new person you met? Same as above.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006. Having a little bit of an ego is not a bad thing. Voice what you feel when you feel it or just forget about it.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. . "Those were the days my friend... we thought they'd never end...."

41. What made you cry the most this year ? Idealism. People. Some events.

42. Five to-do's for 2007 -

1. Figure out what I really want.

2. Fight less.

3. Appreciate more.

4. Stand up for myself more.

5. Write more.

43. People you need to stay away from in 2007 - People who aren't happy for me. People who are jealous of me for some strange reason.

Thanks Ponchy. twas fun. Though I deleted some of the stuff... :)

Here we go again....

2006-12-31T08:27:00.000+10:00

Hmm...another year gone by and typically enough "this year went by toooooooo fast". When we think of the year gone by, it's natural to forget the beginning of the year and what it was like. We tend to summarize the year as per the last few months..but in fact there's so much more that defines it.

2006 has been a defining year in more ways than one. Life's changed. I've grown up. And so many other things in between.

At the beginning of this year I was in college, obsessing over exams I knew I would do badly in, fantasising about a life outside of college, and of course being lambasted for every move I (incorrectly) made and every word I (unthinkingly) spoke! And I grew.
That over, I had the most "eventful" study leave of my life where I turned the two words on their head and took a leave from studies right up to the very last minute! Definitions of friendship, bonding and memories formed themselves in my mind overnight. And I grew.
Exams loomed large over my head but strangely enough I didn't even care. Got them over with. In the middle of it all, V came back. For good. Never been more relieved knowing that this time I didn't have to count the days. Of course we fought the day he arrived. And I grew.
The months after that are still quite hazy in my head. I don't really remember doing much that was particularly constructive. Got used to having V around. Fought like crazy but survived. And I grew.
With college over, life truly changed. Friends found their calling and left town. Others found ways of busying themselves. While I turned down one job offer after another wondering all the while whether I was doing the right thing. Kept telling myself I couldn't just do any damn thing and expect to be happy. I had to be happy doing it to continue doing it. The faith wavered and the mind kept trying to drill sense into the heart. The heart continued to reign and thank God for it. Happy doing what I do. And I grew.
I learnt that some people are always going to be there even if you don't believe it all the time. I learnt that some people are just fake and that I have a very high tolerance level! I learnt that patience really is a virtue and I was better of being patient than being the impatient cranky person I seem to have become. I learnt that the past haunts you only as long as you let it. I learnt that some people just can't forgive while others will forgive forget and forgive again. I learnt that being genuine is the best way to win hearts. I learnt that life really isn't as simple as I'd made it out to be. I learnt that being footloose and fancyfree wasn't exactly what life was all about. I learnt that faith is the most important thing in any relationship, at every level. I learnt that I can smile and fool even myself about how I really feel. I learnt that my independence, especially mental and spiritual, is sacred to me. I've learnt (for the nth time) that love hurts. But, I've also learnt that love strenghtens and nurtures.
And I grew....
It's the end of the year and a million questions remain unanswered and a million more dreams remain unrealised. Prayers need fulfilling and life needs more living. I grew but I need to keep growing. I'm still very childish. Perhaps will always be. But I have learnt more than I can hope to pen here. 2006 wasn't really spectacular but I grew. 2006 taught me a lot, even when I thought I was having fun or plain being stupid.
I expect a lot out of the coming year and I hope it turns out that way.

Each year brings with it a hope of a fresh start, greater opportunities and dreams fulfilled. I wish you all that and much more. The new year holds a lot of significance for me at present and I hope things do turn around. I wish you the same.

Here's to 2007! Cheers!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

of lovesickness and happy times..

2006-12-23T11:55:00.000+10:00

am roaming around like a lovesick puppy. v's gone out of town for 3 days and i miss him soooooo.. I hate this feeling. I've been through it for far too long and I hate it happening again even for a little while. It's not unusual for my sis to make fun of me and right now according to her i'm suffering from Separation Anxiety Disorder. Ha ha ha. But i miss himmmm......
Will not go on or will whine too much.

Anyway, what's keeping me going is that my house is full of life after a really long time. I live in a joint family but out of the 7 flats and 5 families staying here, there aren't any kids because all my cousins are waaayy older than me and are either working or married in different cities. Anyway, my cousin's getting married on Christmas day so everyone's excited about it. She came down from the US yesterday and since she insisted on doing everything on her own, we're going to start shajaoing the totto from today! Also, the house is suddenly full of baby shrieks and baby laughter because it's full of children squealing, fighting, laughing, playing and basically creating havoc and it's such a lot of fun. My sister and I are reveling in the fun of being the mashis. Am so looking forward to these days of fun. I have to make the most of all the wedding fun because the next wedding in the family is going to be MINE!!! Ha ha ha ha....

the man and his machine...

2006-12-20T07:18:00.000+10:00

That my friends is the Ibanez I recently bought for V. Not surprisingly, I have forgotten the exact model number! No matter! I've never seen him this excited and he just can't stop playing it. Bin' wanting to give him a guitar forever but was just never able to save up enough for the right guitar and didn't want to give him any random guitar. Finally did save up enough thanks to work and I bought him the guitar he's been drooling over for a while now. :-)

Me very happy.

Prediction for the day!

2006-12-08T06:31:00.000+10:00

Today's fortune:
You will get lots of clothes.

Orkut' s prediction for the day.
Don't really bother reading it most of the time but somehow caught my eye today. Not much of a "fortune" per say because I didn't really get any new clothes. However, was helping Ma clear out an old storage cupboard. I call ma a magpie because she loves hoarding stuff but for once I was quite thrilled she'd been a magpie. I found so many old sweaters and tops and also a really awesome jacket which I had told her once upon a time that I would never, EVER wear but now they're cool. Guess that happens huh?

So does that mean orkut's turning astrologer? ;-) Heh!

What have you...

2006-12-04T06:57:00.000+10:00

Update No.1 : Got myself a new phone. I love it I love it. It's a flip (or folder, as Samsung chooses to call it.) phone. Believe it or not, THAT was my criterion for choosing a phone! I thought of the V3i but then every second person I saw on the road seemed to have it so that thought went out the window. Though it is still pretty sexy.
Anyway, what's sexier now is my brand new Sony Ericsson W300i. My latest toy. I play only with electronics. he he. V's claimed the iPod like its his own hence the music shall now come from here! Its one of the ubercool new Walkman phones! Yay for me! And feeling mighty proud of myself for buying something for myself without having to ask Ma n Baba for money. So lemme hear the yay(!) again. :-) Will not bore you with specs though will entertain you with em if you're an interested techno freak like me.

Just a slight warning before you read the next two updates. They're long. Also, if you click on the links to read the reviews IMDb gave them, trust at your own risk. From experience, the Hindi movies are usually over-rated.

Update No.2 : I FINALLY watched Don. Either I was really sleepy (I hadn't slept for 48 hours straight!) or the movie was really stupid. Sure it was slick and all, and for once Shahrukh Khan tried to be someone other than himself but come on, it was like a spoof, especially the first part. When SRK was singing "Main Hoon Don....." I could picture him singing "Baadshah oh Baadshah" . lol. If you know what I'm talking about, you'll know how stupid it was, other wise just watch that song from Baadshah to understand what I'm saying. That btw, was one of the WORST SRK movies. Ever.
The good parts : The songs.
The choreography
The cinematography
The clothes
And, the final twist.
And I was talking about the good parts of Don. Baadshah was bad. Period.

Update No. 3 : I watched 4 movies in 2 days (Don being one of em). I saw Pyaar Ke Side Effects. If Rahul Bose would throw his so-called "intellectual actor" image out the window, and if Mallika Sherawat learned how to act, this could've bin pretty ok. It was funny especially coz a lot of it was so bloody true. It's not bad. It's especially fun to watch with a boyfriend/girlfriend. Heh! Do watch it for a few laughs. Like the girl's proposing marriage to him right in between an Indo-Pak cricket match and he's all confused so she's MAD! And he tries the typical guy "Babyyyy...I looove you!" but she doesn't care and he says "Ok. I'm sorry. Just calm down and we'll talk about this LATER!" He he he. And the girl's like "ya sure your match is OBVIOUSLY more important!" and my sister and I couldn't stop laughing. This happens to me ALL the time. Especially with the Ashes on and V being an ardent Aussie supporter, I'm relegated to the background. It happened today. Was in the middle of telling V somethign important, and he was like "Baby, can we go outside and talk about this?" and for a moment I didn't know why and then I couldn't stop laughing and in answer to his confused expression I asked "Outside where the TV is?" Half a second of stunned silence and then we both burst out laughing! He watched the match while I (peacefully!) read the newspaper.
Of course, ends with the usual hindi movie melodrama. Though I really lurve "Oh pappe pyaar ke pachtaya". Love bhangra. Always makes me wanna dance.

Then I watched Kramer vs. Kramer. Ok. Don't laugh. I've never seen it before. In a couple of scenes though I was even more surprised that Akele Hum Akele Tum was "inspired" by this! No. I didn't know. It was funny in a lot of ways but irritating too coz I knew what was gonna happen in practically every scene. And then of course if these surprises weren't enough. While watching the movie, I take a look at the CD cover and I'm like "whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa???" Why? All this while who the actor was and it was Dustin Hoffman. God. I'm so stupid. In my defence, I haven't seen any other movie of his where he's "young". Anyway, movie was really nice. I love stuff like this. It was good that the ending wasn't melodramatically happy like in Akele Hum Akele Tum. I had just about gotten over my stupidity about not recognising Dustin Hoffman and Ma's like "I think Meryl Streep's really pretty." and, me the smart, asks ever so stupidly, "Why? Where did you see her?" And Ma and Runki look at me as though I was mad. And I realise (after a painful 2 minutes of course!) that Meryl Streep was Joanna Kramer. Duh! Lol. Nonetheless, lovely movie.

However, effect of lovely movie was soon spoilt coz i sat and watched Bas Ek Pal right after this. Terrrrrrible isn't even the word. Thought My Brother Nikhil was slow, it was a pretty good movie. I had illusions of grandeur even after the interval. But this movie was just beyond redemption and my desperate willing it to be good was useless. I will not even try to tell you about it. Watch it if you think I'm lying. And don't come back and blame me!

Update No. 4 : Again V stuffed me with food yesterday. We went for lunch to Golden Dragon and ate everything that was great apart from the pork (damn!) coz it wasn't available! ( I luuuuuurv Pork btw). Then we went to Inox for Don and ate more popcorn twice and then nachos too. And then like that wasn't enough, we came home and the boyfriend has an unquenchable hunger and also somehow has it in his head that I am underfed and has taken it completely upon himself to feed me! So, once we were home, he wanted to feed me, my sister and my best friend (they're underfed too btw!) so he ordered a huuuuuuuuuuuge Pizza. i think it seemed ever-so huger coz I was so not hungry (or so I thought!). After insisting I wasn't hungry, I had TWO pretty big bites from V's slice. You know men and how possessive they are about their food so I was very sweetly told to go find my own slice! And I DID. And that was not at all. Ate french fries too. And then Ma very sweetly brings me a whole bowl of stir fried peas. (I loooooove peas btw) and HOW could i resist. So i finished that too (parted with like 3 peas just coz i love V soooooo much!) And then, I ate yummy chocolate chip cookies (yes my supercook sister baked them - Though, in my defence - this is MY recipe and I helped her!).

So, if you have at all reached this far, the point is - I love food. I always knew that. But of late, I seem to love it more. heh! And am so so amazed that I can eat so much!
Also, just for being nice enough to drop by and read, thank you for listening (reading?) my mindless rambling and cataloguing of food and movies and what have you. I know I ramble. You should meet me in person. You'd wonder if I was the same person at all.

Save the World.

2006-12-02T10:00:00.000+10:00

I know I'm a little late. Blame it on blogger. But hey, in some parts of the world it's still the 1st of December!

Just in case you're interested about the condition in India -

1. India has among the highest number of persons living with HIV/AIDS in the world today, although the overall prevalence remains low.
2. Some states experience a generalized epidemic with the virus transmitted from high-risk groups into the general population.
3. A major challenge is to strengthen and decentralize the program to the state and district levels to enhance commitment, coverage and effectiveness.

STATE OF THE EPIDEMIC

1. There are more than 5.1 million individuals infected with HIV in this country of over 1 billion people (UNAIDS 2003).

2. The total number of AIDS cases in 2002 was estimated to be about 550,000.

3. Seven states — Andhra Pradesh, Goa, Karnataka, Maharashtra, Manipur, Mizoram, and Nagaland — already have generalized epidemics, as indicated by a 1 percent or higher prevalence rate among pregnant women in prenatal clinics. These seven states represent 22 percent of the population.

Save the World. Hell with the world. Save India.

Had a lot planned for today but damn Mamata and Trinamul and bandhs. Sorry all the people who enjoyed the holiday. It just felt awful that the one day which is meant especially for these people and helps to spread a little awareness about a disease that no one really pays much attention to, got so screwed up. I really hope we can make it up somehow.

Damn.

a great day!

2006-11-23T22:39:00.000+10:00

Suggested to V that we go out today. To my surprise, he agreed! (He normally has more important things like work and guitar and gym to worry about on a weekday!) Lol. Had an immense craving for Crispy Chilli Babycorn so suggested to V we go to Forum (V hates Forum btw.) But he said yes! (Me thinks in the head: Is it my lucky day or what?!)
Considering he was being so nice to me, I suggested we go to Timbaktoo (video game parlour). The boyfriend is a pro basketball player but hasn't played in a long time because of injured back, so was very excited to see basketball ring et al. With more excitement than any of those kids had, he started playing and of course won lots and lots of tickets too (which got me lots of cute gifts!). He had quite an audience cheering him on too. We played one game of Air Hockey. Fun fun fun! The audience btw, followed us there too!
So done with playing games, headed to the Food Court and ate lots and lots of babycorn, which I very possessively kept all to myself, and lots of other yummy food. And then, had slice of Chocolate Mudpie. (yummm!)
Heading down the stairs, with a happy tummy, and a happier heart, to my horror, I realised I'd left my bag and my jacket in the Food Court. Went running back to look for it, but it obviously wasn't there. According to V, I am the most careless person in the world (not without reason - I have lost a LOT of important stuff!). I was trying very hard to prove otherwise but considering I'd lost my wallet (which was obviously important), I knew I was gonna get more than just an "I-told-you-so-look" for this! But, V was full of surprises today. He didnt say a word. In fact, he tried calming me down because I was hyperventilating.
Forum security zindabad. Just asked me a couple of questions and got my bag back. And, of course my Winnie the Pooh jacket too! :) And V was completely relaxed too!
Then, V suggested we go to Crossword. If I was sitting on a chair I'd have fallen off by then. He doesn't like bookstores either. He reads only whatever I suggest to him. Very very sweet. So anyway, I looked at books while he read magazines on working out and playing the guitar!
Oh yes, before going to Forum we went to Sony World. One of the few common passions both of us have is electronics. We drooled over everything from plasma TVs to phones to the WAIO of course.
Anyway, so came home after that. Went out for a little bit again with my sister and my best friend. Then, just sat at home and watched TV with my sis.
My sis is more talented than I am (thank God she doesn't read this blog!) She made yummy pasta. So we had yummy dinner too, and then even more yummy ice-cream! (it amazes me that I am capable of eating so much in a such a short span of time and of course, using the word "yummy" so many times!)
So then once he left, went to sleep a very happy, content and FULL person!
lol..

btw, i now also blog here

2006-11-22T04:34:00.000+10:00

"I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to"

2006-11-21T04:56:00.000+10:00

feelin a lot calmer today. less scared. less confused. thought a lot for a change. in fact, did nothing all dat, but just spent time with myself - no phone. no comp.

put a lot of things in perspective. realised i over-reacted about some stuff, while others were true. but figured out a lot of stuff nonetheless.

where is "I"?

2006-11-20T06:55:00.000+10:00

i used to be a thinker. not a fabulously intellectual thinker, but a thinker nonetheless. i used to be thinking all the time. in fact, that's why i hardly ever spoke. i don't speak much now either, but that's not because i'm thinking but because i don't have anything intelligent to say. i used to wonder about everything, and though i was never those irritating kids who asked a lot of questions, i used to keep wondering in my head...sometimes if it seemed pressing enough i'd try to find out, but at others, i'd keep wondering. i'd love to listen to people talking. i've learnt a lot from seemingly mundane conversations.

but now, i don't think. really i don't. sometimes i almost feel like i'm trying to run away from myself, but i don't really understand why. i haven't written something good in a long time, and that's supposed to be one of my passions! i am mindlesly doing things. sometimes i wonder if i'm scared to let myself think, to face my emotions. i really don't know. i'm so goddamn confused!

i don't do the one thing i love doing - WRITE. this goddamn blog doesn't count. why? what's wrong with me? is there anything wrong with me or am i just being melodramatic? why can't i make sense to myself. i know i've stunted. my so called "out-of-the-box thinking" has gone for an extended vacation! why? college had a lot to contribute to it, one person in particular rather. but i guess i never realised it affected me so much. but that couldn't be all.

i don't think i understand myself very well. i haven't grown up much, i know that but is that a euphemism i use for being so goddamn stunted? i really don't know. i don't know. i really don't. isn't this what teenage is for? i thought i long passed this confusion!

do i know where i'm going?

why do i have such a limited attention span?

why do i spend so much time on the comp?

am i lonely?

am i depressed?

am i fake?

am i the person people tell me i am, or do i just keep being that person because they tell me that's me?

The OTS Club

2006-11-17T08:40:00.000+10:00

I get so bored so easily! Too much of anything irritates me. So writing too much is irritating me. Wow! Never thought I would say that! But yes, when play becomes work it's no longer fun. Isn't that something like what Mark Twain said in Tom Sawyer. Damn. The laziness has crept into my brain too. I can't remember the exact quote! Die, Radhika Die!!

I think I'll become a social activist. There are lots of issues I really strongly believe in and would love to do something about. I think the world needs me.

I could start an organization to eliminate Megalomaniacs. That would also include all those People Who Think Money Equals Power, and they can buy anything and anyone with it. That would be fun. I'd be doing great social service here. I could also get rid of Government Employees Who Do No Work and Dirty People Who Spit on the Roads. Then there are Women Who Don't Shave Their Underarms, Losers Who Spell 'Lose' As 'Loose', Snooty Shopkeepers and Sales Assistants. I'm such a bitch sometimes but I really don't care! I also cannot stand People Who Constantly Wallow In Self Pity and think that everything's wrong because of the world and not them, People With No GK, Hypocrites, Indians Who'd Rather Not Be Known As Indians, Spineless People, Nekas, People Who Treat Animals Badly, Wannabes or even worse, the I Want To Bes etc etc etc...... (i'm tired!)

Of course, the greatest social service I could do would be to get rid of alllll the MEN on the planet but then again, THAT is a catch-22 situation!

My list is long and I don't think I'll be able to manage so many clubs so I think to make my job simpler, I'll just expand the OTS Club. That's a club my friends and I founded (with due respect to channel V/MTV..whichever!). The membership is rather exclusive. The only criteria for membership is our discretion and of course, that they deserve One Tight Slap (OTS)! (Men, of course, have lifetime free membership to this exclusive club!)

lets see, Radhika the wannabe journo might soon become Radhika, the social activist.

2006-11-15T15:57:00.000+10:00

MEN.

aaaaaarrrrggghh!!

Happy Children's Day!

2006-11-14T17:43:00.000+10:00

Really miss school today. Children's day was probably the most looked-forward to event in school (apart from the Christmas fete ofcourse! ;-) ) It was such a lot of fun, and one day, we all stopped trying to grow up, as everyone always does in school, but instead revelled in the joy of being a kid! We adored the attention lavished on us by the teachers and felt like royalty.
What was even more special is that our teachers went out of their way in making this day more fun, more memorable. It's always comical to watch your teachers doing a play or even getting jiggy but that's what they did, and even though they knew that we'd laugh like crazy they still went ahead just because they wanted to make us laugh. and then of course, we got ice creams and other food. it was just the 'funnest' day! :-) I still remember how mrs d'souza had dressed up as Beckham and she really did bend it like him when she kicked the football into the audience. ANd of course, Mrs Singla's jokes...and her uninhibited dances!!

2003 was the last time i had so much fun on the 14th of November and i really miss it. I'm still a kid. will always be i think. miss all the fun and madness. GOD..i wonder if i'll ever grow up. more importantly, i wonder if i SHOULD!

Happy Children's Day everyone!

random..

2006-11-11T04:46:00.000+10:00

i am a fairly uncomplicated person and i believe this makes me fairly stupid too!
i may not be terribly outspoken, but i say what i think and how i see it.
i'm terrible at making excuses.
i'm logical to a fault.
i am myself at all times.
silly things make me happy.
that's how it goes...

why it makes me stupid is because i think that everyone else is that way too and like you all know, everyone's not. i get quite confused and often even alarmed that people can have varied personalities. of course, all of us are different around people we are comfortable with, and in those cases, let go completely, but most actually have a complete makeover. it's almost as though they suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder, and i'm never quite sure which one I'm talking to.

also, it's said that it's nothing but STUPID to tell people the truth. i do lie, yes, but not about EVERYTHING, not about how I feel, or think or care about something. what is the logic behind it all?

is it the fear of ridicule? or is the fear of non-acceptance? i don't quite understand really.

very random rambling.
end.

2006-11-09T14:58:00.000+10:00

nuffin to write about. :(
went to bandel for the weekend. nice break. was pretty much just at home apart from when i was clicking pictures!
bandel church was beautiful though a little strange. i mean u know i've never been to a church where you have to take off your shoes and some other little stuff which was just strange.

anyway, so the good thing that came out of the weekend was that my insomnia's gone. aaannnnd, what i am most excited about is that now i actually sleep at night. heh. since sunday, ive been goin to sleep at 10:00 and waking up at 5am. ha. its damn exciting for me n makes me feel really good. he he he.

life's the same. work and other bittersweet stuff. u know, life, and all that jazz. as usual, stuck without something meaningful to say and sometimes i really wish that i could write better stuff.

gah!

to friendship..

2006-10-25T11:56:00.000+10:00

met my college friends today and much to my relief (and amusement!)..some things don't change! yes it's only been about 3 months since the entire gang met but from experience i could say that things change and people change. so i'm grateful for the lack of change at present or, to put it more accurately would be, i'm grateful for the lack of the effect that change has made to our relationship, our friendship.

when the world seemed to cave in and college seemed way to claustrophobic to handle(and just in case you didnt know,that happened a LOT, especially in third year!), these people were the reason i longed to go to college. they made me laugh and smile even at the worst of times. we probably crack the lamest jokes on the planet but they make me laugh till my stomach hurts.

individualism is often looked down upon and of course is also regarded as a threat. hence, SIX individualstic people, stuck together like glue was kinda hard to handle but we stuck, through everything. college melodrama, boyfriend fiascos, dipping levels of confidence, trouble at home... i doubt there's anything we haven't shared. we've been told time and again that a friendship like ours is hard to find at the college level, a group full of people who were extremely talented, lazy, smart, bitches, loving, bindaas, hardworking, rebels, loyal...all rolled into one. heh! :-)

my house - which is the favourite hangout - where we've shared eevrything from tearful farewells, to heart wrenching stories to "we-can't-let-this-happen" stories...and how could i forget, the ghost stories too!! we met here again today, and it was sooooooooooo lovely having them here again. sometimes i'm very monica gellar-ish and love playing the host and i miss having these guys around especially since they used to drop in every 2 days earlier! (even if it was just to sleep before a major play which we were all a part of!!)

annyway..as is very obvious...i love my memories and sometimes i get so lost in them, i often start living in retrogade. yes i know that' s crazy but i do have trouble dealing with absolute change. i am a little baby sometimes. so, i just hope that even if we don't meet for months on end or don't even get to talk, things never change. of course we're gonna grow up. i definitely need to grow up. i get stuck in a time warp too easily. but i do hope it doesn't change our equation. the 6 of us have always been vastly different from each other and like in all my other relationships, that has been the binding force..and i pray that never changes.

i want to know everything that happens in our lives..from the very best to very worst.
i want to go for every single wedding. especially nammu's!! he he! :-)
i want to see all the babies. especially reshmi's. natasha, remember we have to save them from the evil mother? ;-)
i want to see each of successful in whatever we do.
and most of all,
i want to show a certain someone( tke a guess?)..that we are friends forever irrespective..

i love you ria.
i love you rudhira.
i love you reshmi.
i love you natasha.
i love you namrata.
and,
most of all,
i love it, when all of us are together!

here's to a friendship that's got to last. at least till natasha takes us to hawaii! no namrata, plz don't bring the kids.

2006-10-24T06:16:00.000+10:00

again again again i wanna write and i dont know what to write about. i thought i was a pro at getting tongue tied. have always written way too much than needs to be written but can't seem to put my thoughts into words right now. maybe i dont want to think actually. yes. actually that's what it is. i dont really want to think.

v's uncle had a massive heart attack. so maasive that all his arteries are blocked and it's damn near impossible to do a bypass until the condition stablises coz his pressure is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay below normal. heart attack's scare me. in fact the two words scare me. even if i'm cracking a joke and i say something like "God...you nearly gave me a heart attack!"..i automatically recoil coz i think that a heart attack is hardly something to be joking about!

my dad's had two heart attacks. one when i was in class 11 and when i was in first year of college. nothing has scared me that much.ever. u know how some people think their dads are heroes and that they're invincible. well, i am one of them. so to see that coming crashing down is the worst thing that could happen.
it was worse when i saw him in the hospital. he looked so old and weak. i had such a hard time holding back my tears.
what i went through i could never explain in words and thank god for a mother like mine who was strong through everything.

ever since, things havent been the same. my dad has always been an exuberant happy-go-lucky person but he' subdued so much. he hardly talks during most of our conversations. he worries too much. i miss him so much sometimes it drives me crazy. the worst part is, he isn't even here most of the time thanks to work. i love him so much and every time i think about how close i came to losin him..........

yet another moment of truth :-)

2006-10-21T07:10:00.000+10:00

v called me out of the blue telling me to get ready because we were going out for dinner. got very excited and of course got ready and we went.
we went to mainland china. my favourite restaurant. and althought i can't explain it, it was very very special. food too of course was great, which made it even better. ;-)

came home after dinner and were just idling and generally catching up on each other's day. his colleagues called asking if we'd go to shisha and since we werent really doing much we went. yes i did have a fun time dancing and all that but in little more over an hour of being there i had an epiphany. heh. it wasn't as melodramatic as that. but my point is, i realised that i'm not really a "clubbing" or "partying" kinda person.
i don't like trance.
i dont like house.
i could dance to changra music like "beedi" from omkara, but that's only if i have same type of company.
i like james blunt, bob dylan, dire straits kinda music. basically rock.
place wise, i'm probably a more someplace else kinda person. just putting it simply i'm not excessively fond of gyrating bodies all around me. it's more fun being surrounded by people lost in the music. my ideal fun evening would probably a bunch of close friends and great music.

im not cut out to fit into page 3. i dont dress like that. i love my jeans too much for that. i dont behave like that. i dont drink. i dont smoke.i dont even like going to the "page 3" places. and even if i try, i'm never gonna be able to be that way. i can't manage high heels. my hair never stays in place. i almost always eat up the little gloss that i try to wear. i dont know how to file my nails etc etc etc..

sure its fun for a lot of ppl.you're welcome to it.but just not me.i dont care about seeing and to be seen.

heh. annyway. all that apart. had a wunnerful time today. :-)

moment of truth...

2006-10-20T06:58:00.000+10:00

part of getting what you want is figuring out what you want.

and divine wisdom prevails!

hell and back...

2006-10-18T10:07:00.000+10:00

sometimes it's good to fight to bring back the romance in your life. hell, maybe i sound old saying that but when you've been together for more than 6 years, and you know every teensy weensy detail of what's happening in the other person's life, you also tend to take each other for granted. thats when you need a horrible fight. ok....i agree this new found wisdom came only when things started looking up and before that i felt like tearing out all the hair on v's head, but yes, a fight can actually be good.

well..considering its us...we fight aaaaaalllll the time.lol.thats what happens when opposites attract. :) but no, thats not the kinda fight im talking about. we had a horrible horrible fight this time. the "i-don't-want-to-talk-to-you-or-see-you" kinda fight. it lasted for about a week and now it looks like its finally over...

i shouted( that really surprised him, and even more, me!)
i cried (that comes easy!)
i was cold
i was angry

and sooo sooo much more......

but then it just started becoming ok. no i dont know how. it just did. and all of a sudden i'm in lowwwwee again...n i feel like a giddy 15 year old! :-) and and and, the bestestestest part is i get spoilt for being angry....FLOWERS...ok..i know thats soo typical but they make me happy. really wappy happy. and i sound sooo terribly sappy. lol.

so, in conclusion, once more, fights can be good sometimes. but then like i said a couple of posts back, you need to have the fortitude of the certain to get you through those hellish days when u think "maybe six feet ain't so far down..."

of course, we could be fighting in less than 24 hours! :)

ummmm....

2006-10-15T11:55:00.000+10:00

where did my dreams go?

perfect love

2006-10-14T11:55:00.000+10:00

Perfect love is rare indeed - for to be a lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certian.

- Leo Buscaglia

Dream Variations

2006-10-13T11:41:00.000+10:00

To fling my arms wide
In some place of the sun,
To whirl and to dance
Till the white day is done.
Then rest at cool evening
Beneath a tall tree
While night comes on gently,
Dark like me -
That is my dream!

To fling my arms wide
In the face of the sun,
Dance! Whirl! Whirl!
Till the quick day is done.
Rest at pale evening...
A tall slim tree...
Night coming tenderly,
Black like me.

- Langston Hughes

literature lights up my day any place, any time. just read this poem by Langston Hughes for the millionth time and thought i'd post it. i've been in love with Langston Hughes ever since we studied him for our Part II syllabus. love it love it.

yay again!

ok...high time i go to sleep. 3 posts in one day should be more than enough i should think.

template change!

2006-10-13T11:37:00.000+10:00

a good end to an otherwise horrible day. its 7:02 am and im going to sleep now....after having worked hard all night. oh yes, and my not so jazz-y life just got jazz-ed up coz i changed the template on my blog n i really like this one. yay.

oke..good night..erm...good morning?

oh well...!

2006-10-13T10:16:00.000+10:00

Really really want to write something deep and meaningful and thoughtful right now. Something exciting and eventful will do too. Heck, something funny would be even better. What about something tearjerking or heartbreaking? The point is, I have none of the above to write about. Work, definitely does not make for interesting writing. Except of course when I want to complain but today I don't even want to crib!!

Life..and all that jazz eh? At this point, my life sure has no jazz, and simply swings from boring to even more boring. Oh well.....

P.S. It does get better when V calls or we go out.

dammit

2006-10-12T07:21:00.000+10:00

told you Axl Rose was right.

dammit.

not uncontrollably happy anymore. there's alway somethign to worry about or fight about isn't there.

suddenly something...

2006-10-11T11:22:00.000+10:00

its 6:47 am and though i'm supposed to be working, i suddenly felt like bloggin a bit.

i actually watched quite a bit of tv at night and i was watching one tree hill, this high school drama soap on star world. no, this is not a blog about high school drama. however, it just got me wondering a bit. you know i was looking at the way students and of course the student council is treated and i wonder if that could ever happen here in our country. yes, one tree hill is tv, but that is how it is too. a student council - the so called student government is in most cases allowed to speak their minds. however, it is so different here. a council in school or college is pretty much just a group of people donning a shiny silver badge. there is no real freedom - whether that be creative freedom or the freedom to speak your mind. everything always has to be politically correct because only then are we respecting our seniors.

this is not a rant against just a student council. this is indian society in general. we are taught and encouraged to speak the truth and speak our minds, but just as your old enough to know what your mind is, you're asked not to air your views lest someone misunderstand. im sorry...what was that again? why are people who are willing to stand up for what's right, or even be united against a authoratarian post automatically black-listed and branded rebels without a cause. why is the brainwashing redoubled once a thought-provoking idea is raised? why are our new ideas and creativity disregarded and merely rubbished as useless and foolish?

the youth of india is constantly being accused of becoming increasingly lethargic and developing an "i-don't-give-a-damn" attitude. whose fault is that really? when we do start caring and try and ask questions you answer us by telling us to shush, and 20 years laters, when our spirits have in all likelihood been permanently shushed, you expect us to go up in arms against every issue worth appearing on ndtv. and of course, we will too consequently grow up to become adults like you, who pass the blame to the useless youth and try fooling everyone including ourselves with "if only i was younger...."

the change needs to begin in our adults, because they are the ones who influence the minds of the children. a child can't think for himself so the adult must teach him how to and tell him its okay to think for himself. tell him its a good thing he has an opinion and to voice it. the sad part about our youth today is that they have no opinions and i wonder why? unless you have opinions, you don't believe. unless you believe, you're not passionate. and unless you're passionate, you don't fight.

sure, post rang de basanti, there is this youth movement which is apparently uprising. but is it really? would anyone speak up if it didnt directly affect them? sure, maybe a couple. patriotism isn't only about saluting your flag or singing your national anthem or about abusing a Pakistani. It's about loving your country enough to give up your life for it, it's about knowing what is happenin in the country apart from the latest movies and all the page 3 gossip, it's about reaching out to help a fellow Indian in whichever way possible. we don't have to go to war to prove we're patriots, we can do it each day in our small way.

i do it by not littering the calcutta streets. (and give dirty glances and shouting at whoever does!), what are you doing?

i know this blog started out about a student council and ended in patriotism, but i think the basic point i was tryin to make is that very few people in the country have opinions or viewpoints and are only attracted to mass opinion. of course, in bengal, sourav ganguly is an opinion too. he is the only viewpoint there is.

...

2006-10-11T07:12:00.000+10:00

life's complicated.

duh?

Happy :-)

2006-10-09T09:47:00.000+10:00

"The best feelings are those that have no words to describe to them."

-Michelle Hammerslay

when was the last time you woke up with a smile on your face? well..its been a while for me. i am NOT a morning person but i woke up at 4:30 a.m. feeling all chirpy. (i usually go to sleep at this time!). anyway,s o tonight i went to sleep at 10:30 or something and then i woke up feeling rather refreshed and HAPPY! i felt like celebrating but I didnt know what i wanted to celebrate. i didn't have a fabulous day or anything. i spent it with v and though we fought initially, it ended rather sweetly. no, nothing out of the way or incredibly romantic happened. it was just sweet. ive fallen in love with him all over again and i feel like a 15 year old again.....

(can't stop smiling!!)

i realised, little things give me a lot more joy than big fancy pre-planned pre-meditated moments of happiness. honestly, i am a person who's very easily given to making a fetish about a lot of stuff and often when things don't work out the way i had imagined they would, i get terribly disappointed. but then of course there's always spontaneity to fall back on, and that has never let me down. happiness really finds you when you're least looking for it. i don't mean to sound philosophical or like a wannabe aantel...i just believe that whoever said that it is the smaller things in life which give you greater joy, was soooo damn right!

Today, I was happy....

.when V held my hand on the stairs, just out of the blue
.when I came back home and saw Baba truly relaxed after quite a while
.when I saw how eagerly Jingle wanted to go out with us
.when Baba actually came back home and took us for a drive just for him, and even bought him ice-cream.
.when I received emails from my college friends
.I got an sms from a school friend I never quite imagined I would be close to
.when I went to Flury's and ate Mushrooms and garlic on toast and also ate mumma's french fries and peas and had chocolate milkshake and then had chana from a man on the road with a very pleading look in his eyes.
. i saw people i would generally call changras, dancing on the road to the sound of the dhak, oblivious to traffic, just for a lokkhi thakur bhashan
.when I checked my mail and I had a one liner from v. made me blush. made my day! :-)
.when I got a brand new orkut testimonial from koni mostly written in our special language and totally corny(all puns intended!)
.when I took a pretty picture of the lovely crystal chandelier at Flury's.
.that I feel happy for no particular reason at all

i really felt happy and excited in all the moments above and though i sound like a doomsday prophesist when i say this but its true in the very Axl Rose-ish way that "nothing lasts forever", yet, i'm happy being happy now and will deal with not being happy when we come to it.

I'm happy. Really happy.

its over.....

2006-10-06T09:42:00.000+10:00

It came and its gone....and like a baby i feel upset again.....ha ha...im so silly na sometimes....
well... very honestly didnt have a fabulous time.. for various reasons...but i'll get over it....
due to the lack of the fabulous time.....didnt take too many photos...i normally take 100's....so here are a few of what maddox square looked like this year. what i love especially about my parar pujo is that the thakur looks the same EVERY year (it onyl shrinks in size!)...

aasche bochor aabar hobe...

yet another year of maddox....

2006-09-28T05:02:00.000+10:00

as tansh as people insist i am, i have always enjoyed the pujas like a typical baangali. Living opposite maddox...it's been the epicentre of all my revelry all these years...and its been a time when family has been of prime importance and friends have become a part of it only recently. In my childhood( man...i feel old sayin that!) maddox square used to be a lot different. it always had its own charm of the carnival like atmosphere but it wasnt filled with leering guys desperately looking to "make friendship" or cheaply dressed women making maximum use of their five days of freedom. Of course part of maddox's charm is checking out people, passing judgement on what who is wearing, eat lots of junk food, enjoy a lot of adda... And my family used to have one of the biggest circles in the park..filled with chatterbox teenagers, wide-eyed kids and relaxing adults...all just feeling happy to be together and right at home. Of course, once ina while...especially on Navami night we would have a grown-ups vs baccha log antakshari and each side would sing valiantly till our voices were sore and no songs left to sing. Another favourite was buying a huge balloon (you know those big round ones) and playing D-O-N-K-E-Y with it. Even a female dominated family like mine used to hang around till pretty late at night without being too worried about being accosted by creeps because after a certain peak time, it used to be pretty much para crowd who were quite protective.

But if you've been to maddox in the past 2-3 years and share my sort of mindset (i.e. you arent one of the aforementioned attention seeking, grotesquely dressed females or lecherous men), you probably have been very put off. Of course you still turn up coz u know maddox square is like orkut.....you're bound to run into a million people u know and (dis)like and a million more you haven't met in ages but while, before and after you're there....you keep complaining about how 'cheap' the crowd is. I agree. I am one of you. Everyone who knows me knows that even if they have no company at maddox, they can just give me a ring. I crib and crib and crib...but i still keep going back.

Of late I hear a lot of my friends saying that "I don't care about pujo anymore" or "Who the hell cares?" or "I am sooooooooo not looking forward to pujo." That's depressing. It did depress me quite a bit. Please don't depress me. I'm like a kid when it comes to pujo. I really look forward to it and I have no qualms about saying it.
I love pujo.
I love the happiness
.the new clothes and shoes
.the smiles
.the multi coloured, story-telling lights
.the music
.the smell of dhunuchi
.the sound of dhak.
.the beauty of the protima, especially when you see it for the first time on Shashti after a whole year
.the zest with which youngsters seem to WANT to embrace their culture and traditions
.the tear-filled eyes because of the smoke during aaroti
.the 108 diyas all lit together for shondhi aaroti
.the smell of puchka, pizza, kochuri aloodum, ice cream and jhal muri all wafting in the air to make you even hungrier than you would normally feel
.the numerous colourful photos taken
.the unfailing enthusiasm with which people will go out thakur dekhte come rain hail or storm (literally!)
.i love the pujo and i can never explain why.

so yet another year at maddox and i will complain again i'm sure. but i also know that i would be like fish out of water without maddox during pujo....

pujo IS maddox square for me.

yay!

2006-09-21T07:32:00.000+10:00

oh yay...im not as lazy as i thought..i actually changed my dysfunctional template. i want to write something nice n thoughtful but damn....i just can't. im feeling rather stunted. wonder how that happened?

work work work...

2006-09-21T07:13:00.000+10:00

i feel like i had last made a post in another lifetime. no wonder no one reads my blog. :(
its just that i have an aversion to the computer right now. i used to spend hours doing nothing particularly constructive on the computer. apart from the usual chat/mail/orkut, i am also obsessive about keeping my computer rather organised and i am constantly organsing-re-organising my music folders, picture folders, deleting unnecessary stuff. but now, i spen so much time working on the computer and by working i mean WORK which i get paid for, that after all that i don't feel like doing much else. even my blog looks disgustingly boring but im too tired to do anything right now.
the world sure seems different when you've started working. i can't believe that i was sitting in a classroom at the beginning of this year.it all seems so faraway like a distant dream. V and i are both busy working that the weekends are either spent fighting or having a ball (we don't get time for either during the week!)... and speaking of V, it's awfully nice to finally have him here. yes we're busy and mostly bogged down with work and doing what we must do, yet...the assurance that's there at the back of my mind is a wonderful feeling and even better is the thought that i know i WILL see him at the end of the week.

have to go back to work....im lucky im doing something im good at, but when play becomes work it becomes excruciatingly dull. isn't that the idea mark twain tried to sell? i couldnt agree more...

mad

2006-08-21T06:21:00.000+10:00

so looks like i've developed a new obsession. man do i love taking these nonsensical online tests. n i've gone one step further now. i've put them up for everyone to see. mad.

c'est la vie

2006-08-17T21:46:00.000+10:00

have become super super super lazy post exams.
work is mind-numbingly dull.
my hair behaves terribly in the monsoons.
i want a new phone.
the number of people who advertise fake data entry jobs in the newspapers EVERYDAY, never fails to amaze me.
EVERYONE calls me ONLY when i'm asleep.
damn.
my camera's working again.yay!
i used doggies shampoo as soap just to see what happens n my skin has become incredibly soft.
rubberbands are the easiest thing to lose.
pens come in a close second.
just because i speak great english doesn't mean my life's ambition is a call centre.
i spend waaaaay too much time online.
how come u don't get black streamers?
i'm in love....for the millionth time today.
c'est la vie

you're still the one...

2006-08-05T22:49:00.000+10:00

We fell in love when I was 15 and he was 16. Obviously we were written off as puppy love, but we knew it was much more than that. Unlike what one fantasizes, the first two years were rocky. The love we shared was never properly expressed. We tried underhanded ways of making each other jealous, just to gain proof of love. Frustrations were multiple, accusations free-flowing and fights numerous. Yet, something… something beyond our understanding (which we later learnt was called LOVE), kept us together. Somewhere down the line, we started shedding our inhibitions, and we were drawn closer. The fights continued, but they were less accusatory and more “I-want-the-best-for-you-so-stop-being-stupid” in nature. Yet, the bond was incomplete.

In between all this we managed to party a little, turn 18, contribute to mammoth phone bills, break a few rules and oh yes, finish school. Life of course changed drastically here on, without me having the least idea of the implications of the apparent impending doom which he seemed to keep worrying about during his last few days in the city. When he told me he had secured admission, I was joyous. I didn’t think about what would happen to us, or how I would live without him. Whether it was simple denial or simple ignorance of what life would be without him, I have never quite managed to figure out. I never thought in terms of a “long-distance relationship”. I never thought anything at all.

Then one fine morning, he was gone. I didn’t cry then. No, not yet. My Higher Secondary results came out that day. I had fared miserably in English – my favourite subject. I impulsively dialed his number, but the monotone on the other side droned that the number I was dialing, was “currently switched off”. Then the tears came, and they wouldn’t stop. I wasn’t crying about my results. That was for sure. I was crying because I didn’t know how to fill the void I was feeling within, and then, in a sudden fit of epiphany, I understood all that he had been feeling these last few days and I had simply laughed off. I was low, dejected, morose and scared. I wanted him to come back more than anything in this world. But I knew it wasn’t happening. The bond was now complete.

Life was hard over these past three years. We had our doubts and insecurities, and loads of them at that. There were times when we told ourselves in the course of one day, how we would always be together and how we just couldn’t go on together anymore. Maybe because we weren’t together and wanted so desperately that the other be a part of our life, we went into minute details of each day, starting from breakfast, what happened in college, after college, at the gym, on the road, at dinner, with friends, to the neighbours – everything! Of course, in between all this we did find time to include a fight or two as well. Yet, strangely, the numerous incessant bitter fights brought us closer than I could ever imagine possible.

We weren’t together for any of the occasions or celebrations, except his birthday. We weren’t together for some of the proudest moments in our college career. We weren’t together for some of the scariest moments and lowest points in our lives. But, we were together.

After a point, I knew nothing could separate us. We were too busy missing each other and finding newer ways to prove our love for each other to even look at other people. The question of infidelity never arose. We got frustrated of waiting, not because we couldn’t have some “fun” but because it hurt too much to be away.

People often asked me if I found it hard to be in a long distance relationship, and I never quite understood how fully loaded the question was until recently. Yes, it’s hard, because you’re away from the one person who you want to be with the most, at any given place or time. That’s the only reason it’s hard. No, its not hard not to be seen with “your guy” every place you go, no its not hard keeping your libido in control, no its not hard not going to a party because you don’t have a date, no its not hard to be loyal, no its not hard to be in love.

We completed six years of togetherness on the 1st of August, and it’s the first time we were together in 3 years. Paradoxically enough, we’ve matured and become even more childlike at the same time. It’s as though we’re making up for all our lost time by taking one step forward everyday. I don’t know if that makes any sense. But that’s how nonsensical we are. Do we still fight? Of course we do! Our fights define us.

At this point, I can’t help but be reminded of Shania Twain singing,

“They said, ‘I bet, they’ll never make it’
But just look at us holding on,
We’re still together, still going strong.

You’re still the one I run to,
The one that I belong to,
You’re still the one I want for life.
You’re still the one that I love,
The only one I dream of,
You’re still the one I kiss good night.”

its just another day for you and me in paradise...

2006-07-12T06:48:00.000+10:00

i am normally not too much of a tv person...but i have been glued to the tv ever since early afternoon when i switched it on because i was bored out of my mind.

there were FIVE grenade blasts just a little before noon today at srinagar, which took the lives of 8 tourists, added to which were more than 30 people who were injured. most of the victims are said to be from west bengal. i was really worried and felt awful. i didn't know anyone in kashmir so i wasn't personally worried about anyone, btu just worried for all the people going through this every single day of their lives, knowing that only a millionth of what they go through is reported and the rest is never even seen or heard of.

strange was the way i heard about the SEVEN mumbai blasts. as aforementioned, i don't watch too much of tv, so i didn't switch on ndtv till about 8pm. my dad, ( who is in the US) called me to ask if all my cousins in mumbai were fine and i hadnt the faintest clue what he was talking about. thats when i switched on the tv and i was shell-shocked. i know lots n lots n lots of people in mumbai so the levels of worrying this time were much much more. i called everyone i could, but didnt get through most. thank god for sms's coz somehow they kept flying back n forth. everyone i know there is well. (thank god for that!). Fate seems to play such an important role as well. as cliched as it may sound, i heard soooo many stories of how " i was supposed to be on that train but wasn't coz i was late/ didn't go to work" etc etc... and one cant help but be reminded of this famous saying "raakhe hori maare ke. maare hori, raakhe ke." for those who don't understand bangla, it simply means that if God wants to save you, nothing can come in the way and if God wants to kill you, nothing can come in the way either.

i am so so so angry. may be my anger makes no goddamn difference. but i am still angry! 5 blasts in one place and 7 in another!!! the most obvious thing to do of course it link the two... it is too much of a coincidence not to. its not just the people who have been injured or killled who are "victims", anyone in these cities with a heart wil be more than deeply affected and shaken up. imagine not being able to travel by the local train, one of mumbai's defining features, which until today you thought were perfectly safe!the only thing which is making me even more angry than the blasts themselves is the fact that the blasts at srinagar seem to have receded into the background because of the ones in mumbai. honestly, how many people were even shocked about the blasts at kashmir. it seems to be such an everyday affair that we often wonder "whats the big deal!" point is. it is. all of this is. mumbai, srinagar, lahore, paris, london, new york..........anywhere...everywhere..
i am not given to tears very easily but when i saw those mms's people had sent in to ndtv, and heard the eye-witness accounts, the tears came rolling down. some one or the other will lay claims on their great act of bravado/vengeance/teach-india-a-lesson ..but what's going to change thereafter? is anyone going to stop any of it? are the people responsible ever going to repent? is it just getting worse from here on? are we going to content ourselves by simply blaming pakistan for it all? and, more importantly, how long will this remain in the minds of those who have not been directly affected by this..? in a rather morbid way, terrorism across the world seems to be fighting to achieve the position of the "worst terrorist attack in history" ...and soon enough tomorrow if there' s another attack in X place and XYZ number of people get injured and killed, people will have forgotten about mumbai and srinagar..and worry about X, till Y comes along and catches up!

i keep thinking if calcutta could be a target some day.

"Oh think twice, its just another day for
You and me in paradise
Oh think twice, its just another day for you,
You and me in paradise....

Oh, lord is there nothing more anyone can do?
Oh lord there must be something you can say?"
(-Phil Collins)

viva la zizou...

2006-07-11T01:56:00.000+10:00

its been a while since ive written. honestly, have been bored and haven't quite had the energy to write anything about my increasingly boring life.

i am feeling really bad today. like every time, the world cup started with me supporting brazil. they left pretty soon. i supported argentina as well....but they disappeared from the scene as well. germany played well..but lost when i supported them for just one match. france lost the world cup.And Zizou...well...i've always always always revered him, thought he was a very classy man et al..but the headbutt yesterday....what was that? yes, im pretty sure the damn italian Materazzi instigated him. But Zizou, dear Zizou..that was the point... why did u lose ur cool? why retire like this? u've always been in the hall of fame now ur only the 4th other person to be in the hall of shame of footballers getting a redcard in a Cup final!Obviously, Zidane was provoked but I doubt anything will ever happen because even if Zidane ever reveals what was said, (and there obviously was a lot!), it will be his word against Materazzi. Yes, its a shameful end to Zidane's awesome, glorious, illustrious (keep the synonyms coming) career...but more than that it's sad. Maybe I'm biased because I really like Zidane but I can't bring myself to run him down. I just feel terrible instead. They deserved to win the Cup and they would have if Zidane hadn't gone. :(:(:(:(

Zidane is one of the football icons of his generation and is known to be modest, quiet and admittedly shy. However, Zidane has occasionally shown a quick temper on the pitch. One such display occurred in a 2000/2001 Champions League match between Juventus Turin and Hamburger SV, in which Zidane headbutted Jochen Kientz; he received a red card for this action. He also received a red card in the 1998 World Cup for stamping on a Saudi player, allegedly in response to a racial slur. In extra time of the 2006 World Cup final, he was sent off for head-butting Italy's Marco Materazzi.But it doesn't change the fact that he won the Golden Ball this year and he was part of the winning team in 1998 also, scoring 2 headed goals in the 3-0 match against Brazil. He is undoubtedly one of the best footballers in the world and the greatest of this generation. He has been elected FIFA World Player of the Year three times (1998, 2000, 2003) and once as European Footballer of the Year (1998). In 2004, Zidane was added to the FIFA 100, a list of the 125 greatest living footballers selected by Pelé as a part of FIFA's centenary celebrations. In 2004, he was also voted the best European player for the past 50 years in the UEFA Golden Jubilee Poll.

Yes, this is something the world, especially France and its supporters, are not going to forget in a hurry and it will be mentioned in the same breath as his name for a long time to come, but one cannot just FORGET all the brilliant games he's played and his contribution not just to French, but World football.I just want to say to everyone who has Zidane on the top of their hate list now... GIVE THE MAN A BREAK!!!!! u talked about how wonderful he was, you talked about his technique, you talked about how Zizou played like any footballer's dream..... so why berate him now? Yes, he shouldn't have done that. and yes, it contributed greatly to france losing..but please.. remember all the great games the man has played....and get over it! Zizou will ALWAYS be Zizou!

Au revoir Zizou... you will be missed....

Viva la Zizou!

2006-06-26T08:19:00.000+10:00

1. Were you named after anyone? No...unless Radha counts ;-)

2. Do you wish on stars?umm..naa

3. When did you last cry?Last night

4. Do you like your handwriting? yes..eevn though its more of a scrawl most of the time

5. What is your favourite meat? y do i have to choose? ok..pork i guess.. :)

6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf? Aaron Carter

7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?Maybe not...

8.Are you a daredevil? i dont think so

9. How do you release anger? I cry or i write

10. Where is your second home? used to be college...now i dunno

11. Do you trust others easily?yes...im really stupid

12. What was your favourite toy as a child? i dont remember.

13. What class in school/college do you think is totally useless? EVS!!!!!!!

14. Do you use sarcasm a lot? yes....but shut up when ppl dont get it...

15. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? say what?

No.16. What do you look for in a guy/girl? warmth

17. Would you bungee jump? yes!
.
18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? no.. he he he...im too damn lazy!

19. What's your favourite ice cream? not too fond of ice-cream...but when i do have it..its GOT TO be chocolate...

20. What are your favourite colours? blue, orange, white

21. What are your least favourite things? judgemental ppl...( not really a thing is it?)

22. How many people do you have a crush on right now? None

23. Who do you miss most right now? V, dad....

24. What are you listening to right now? nothing..its nearly 4 am.!

25. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? blue..or orange...

26. What is the weather like right now? the after rain,, summer weather....

27. Last person you talked to on the phone? V

28. The "first" thing you notice about the opposite sex? Their attitude

29. Do you like the person who sent you this? Yes

30. How are you today? insomniac...always...

31. Favourite non alcoholic drink? fresh lime soda, mango juice, lime juice cordial

32. Favourite alcoholic drink? dont drink :)

33. Natural hair colour? black

34. Eye colour? black

35. Wear contacts? nope

36. Siblings? younger sister..

37. Favourite month? February and the winter months...

38. Favourite food? oh any kind...as long as its food!

39. Favourite day of the year? lots ofem

40. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out? Yes

41. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings

42. Summer or winter? Winter

43. Holi or Diwali? neither really...i get awfully bored..

44. Do you like your name? yes...thanks ma.. :)

45. What book/magazine are you reading? A suitable boy (vikram seth) and eragorn (christopher paolini)

46. What's on your mouse pad? don't use one

47. What did you watch on TV last night? Germany match

48. Favourite Smell? petrol, kerosene, new books, freshly laundered clothes, v, suitcases full of gifts ;) , chocolates, rain, food....

49. Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone? no

50. Most tiresome thing you’ve ever experienced/done? trying desperately not to appear rude by listening to useless unsolicited advice offered by unnecessarily n excessively interfering relatives...

yes...i was veeerry bored and i CANNOT sleep ;)

2006-06-26T07:25:00.000+10:00

where can i get rechargeable batteries? i need a a good, affordable set of batteries. help.

2006-06-23T06:00:00.000+10:00

HALF TIME
1:29 A.M. - brazil vs japan 1-1.
the much talked about, heavily pregnant, much ostracised, ronaldo scores!!! *tee hee*

dont remember the last time i slept properly.

miss dad. terribly.

scared.overwhelmed.worried....STRONG.

i love the Adidas ad..Jose+10..its amazing. thats what i call advertisement. some other ads i've really like recently is ofcourse the Airtel one on air right now. its beautiful.

in print, i saw the ads for The Merchants Cup Football in The Telegraph. They were amazing. If you've seen them you know what I'm talkin about. The ones with 2 half footballs at the top of the page, very aptly positioned, with just one line below "if you have them, join it." and one more wid similar pic but cant remember the punchline. brilliant wit though. If you haven't seen them. Well, try getting hold of them and taking a look.
also, The Telegraph campaign for clean walls, by providing blank hoardings across the city for political graffiti is also rather innovative i think.
Telegraph is not just a paper anymore. its so much more. i love the newspaper and everything about it....

Anyway, will continue about my love for the telegraph some other day...for now....
enough random rambling.
half time over, back to match.

MATCH UPDATE AT 1:42 AM - Juninho scoooooooooores.... !!!!!!!!!!

2-1!! :):):):):)

MATCH UPDATE AT 1:47 AM - Gilbertooooooooooo!!!!!

3-1!!!! :):):):):):):)

NOOOOW they're playing like Brazil!!

2006-06-22T06:23:00.000+10:00

ALONE.........

love...

hope...

expectation...

happiness...

tears...

fears...

growth...

battles...

friendships...

dependence.......

suddenly..................................................

its all dark..

its all gone...

its all over....

ALONE........

forever

P.S. If you believe in God, plz say a prayer for RM, D and D. If you don't - whatever it is that gives you strength, ask it to give them strength.

braaassiiilll....

2006-06-19T08:27:00.000+10:00

braaasssiiilll.....la la la la la la la...la la la la la la....la la la la la la laaaa...
braaaaaassssiiiillll....

people..

2006-06-18T05:15:00.000+10:00

there is one set of people who've never heard of compromise and always want everything their way. and there are another set of people who just give in to everything the other set demands, without ever being able to say no. there are no in-betweens. there is no grey area. you may argue that YOU are a little bit of both but i say no. we all fall into either category, ofcourse once in while making desperate attempts at crossing over but never quite make it. this is how the world functions. a completely symbiotic relationship, like any other. i dont stand to judge which is the better of the two. its not a competition.its just a fact, like so many other insignificant but relevant facts of life.

World Cup Fever

2006-06-18T04:09:00.000+10:00

GO BRAZIL!!!

a flight cancelled....an adventure unwanted.

2006-06-10T17:30:00.000+10:00

my sister just came back from chicago for her summer holidays and in probably the longest flight anyone could ever take...
she flew AIR FRANCE, so the flight was scheduled from chicago to paris-paris to mumbai n then she had a mumbai-cal, JET AIRWAYS flight.
well....the plane reached the runway and stopped. for FOUR hours they sat on the plane without being told what was happening. with the engines shut off, there was no airconditioning; the water supply finished and u know how dirty the french are...so the entire plane was stinking. four hours later, they were told that due to engine trouble, the flight had to go back to the hangar. to be towed back to the hangar it took another TWO hours, moving at the speed of 1 mile/hour... which made it a total of SIX hours of being stuck on a plane.
once they reached the airport, authorities assured them that they would be put up at Hyatt and provided with dinner and breakfast. after waiting for 1 1/2 hours on the foothpaths of Chicago for the hotel bus to arrive, they reached Hyatt only to find out that the airlines had not mentioned anything about a complimentary dinner and breakfast. the restaurants were closed, room service had closed and the cafe only provided chips and coffee. so she had a packet of chips for dinner(for which of course, she had to pay). on complaining the next day, they were given a 10$ food coupon - well after dinner and breakfast time.
She spoke to the airline authorities, and they assured her that they had spoken to Air France Mumbai and she would be adequately compensated for missing her Jet flight and they assured her she would not have to pay anything. But, on reaching Mumbai, airport authorities claimed ignorance and refused to pay for the flight for which she had to ultimately pay an additional Rs 4200 - an unnecessary expense. this was not the price for a new ticket, but the fine payable for not cancelling the ticket on time and re-booking it for the next day. had Air France been a tad bit more organised and in plain simple words not made false claims, cancellation at the right time, would have cost only Rs 500.
She reached, safe and sound, a full 24 hours late...totally disgusted and thoroughly drained.

She's claimed damages from Air France, because their conduct was completely against the travel regulations for cancellation of flights laid down by the Europen Union. Passengers have been compensated in the consumer forum for earlier claims, so we're hoping that this works out too. As per these regulations, she can not only claim for the deficiency in service, the price of her ticket, and other incidental damages; Air France is also liable to refund the cost of the entire airfare of their airline as well.

I'm not writing to create a protest forum or anything but just to say that the next time you think of saying "oh it happens only in india", think again. the french are no better.